Seeing the Seven C's In Others

A colleague of mine just recently commented on how interesting it is that once we really start to reflect on and consider each of the Seven C's--Competing, Comparing, Chasing, Controlling, Complaining, Criticizing, and Clinging--we immediately find our self seeing them so predominantly in the behaviors of others.  I also noticed this tendency in myself when I began my journey with the Seven C's.  We think, "oh look at so-and-so complaining and criticizing once again".  Or, "look at how the so-and-so's are never satisfied with all that they already have".  Maybe its "so-and-so is always trying to control everyone else around him or her".  Examples like these go on and on of course.  In order to effectively Sail the Seven C's, we have to be able to recognize these observations, these thoughts, for what they most likely are, our ego, and therefore some of the C's coming right back in our back door, in our very thoughts, without us even realizing it.  When we think or say things like these, aren't we simply standing in a place of judgment (by 'Criticizing' what we think we see), or 'Competing' and/or 'Comparing' (by thinking I or we would never do that).  Sailing the Seven C's isn't about what others are doing, though we sure as heck will start to more easily see these behaviors in others and hopefully our self.  Our egos will guarantee that we will see it in others with further thoughts like "too bad I can't help them to be better" or "If only they would see what they are doing and stop".  Sailing the Seven C's is rather about looking at and doing the hard work on our own self, our own thoughts, and own behaviors and choosing to take the helm of our ship, sailing toward a different course for our self.  In the times we are able to do this for our self, we might be afforded the opportunities to help those around us if we genuinely care.  Just like we do, those around us have their own ships to sail, on a course different than our own.  So, let's strive to keep our focus squarely on our own ship and leave the navigating of others' ships to their captains.

Less Is More

Isn't it cool how Pope Francis has chosen to live a life of simplicity, even going so far as to continue in his vow of poverty for life?  No matter your stand on Catholicism, religion in general, or whatever, you have to admit that's pretty darn different.  In a time when it seems everyone is 'Chasing' after something, to somehow get better and better, more and more, bigger and bigger (remember Dr. Seuss' "Biggering" from the 'Lorax' story?), more desirable in the eyes of the world, he chooses a simpler life.  With all the means at his disposal and an already in place expectation to travel in limousines and stay in lavish spaces, he chooses the opposite, driving around in a little Fiat and staying in modest abodes, preferring to spend his time with and serving the poor than hobnobbing with rich elites. 

Kim and I have always enjoyed our efforts to simplify all aspects of our lives, giving away as much as we can bring ourselves to part with and throwing away the clutter and junk that seems to build up in our life.  People often come into our home, who haven't been over in a while, to exclaim, "Wow!  Where is all your stuff?"  We prefer the empty space and the peaceful, content feeling that comes with less and less.  While we have a long way to go and quite frankly, even for a family of five, we know we could certainly downsize the size of our home.  "Honey, where is that tiny house article I was looking at?"  It does feels so awesome to have less and less to take care of and we find that we can really appreciate more the things we do choose to hold on to and use.  While it is sometimes difficult to simplify completely (after all, we still need a car to get to work, dress appropriately, continue to live in the world around us), we have found there are a never ending stream of ways to simplify and each step is better than before.  Truth is, less is more and more is less.  Haven't you found that the best things in life really are free anyway?  Why not trade striving for arriving?  Tough we know, but wow, what a ride.  Ahhhhhhhh! 

FYI - A really great book that helped us begin our journey of simplifying our lives is The Life-Changing Magic of Tidying Up: The Japanese Art of Decluttering and Organizing by Marie Kondo. 

 

Share Your Sense of Humor

NPR had a report about the great Yogi Berra passing this morning of natural causes.  When his wife asked him some time ago where he wanted to be buried when he died, he replied, "I don't know.  Surprise me."  Now I don't know about you, but I love a good sense of humor, and I think this is a great example of just that. Joking around when able, staying on the lighter, less serious side, even when speaking of the tougher aspects of life and death.  Seems to me that 'Being Positive and Playful' rather than 'Complaining' about life is a lot easier when we find and zero in on our sense of humor, even in tough circumstances.  And yes, if you're wondering, we all have a sense of humor.  So, please share yours.  You can never have too much to laugh about in the world.

 

Time to Get Right Back On the Horse

So jazzed from today's Sail the Seven C's workshop.  We had great engagement, discussion, and insightful comments and questions throughout.  For example, a good friend there noted how it often takes a tragic incident, maybe even life threatening or losing someone very close to us to bring us out of our daily habits where we typically fall victim to one or more of the C's--competing, comparing, chasing, controlling, complaining, criticizing, and clinging.  Significant life challenges do indeed have a way of bringing us right into the present moment, where we suddenly realize what life is really about and how the things we constantly fret about really don't matter all that much.  He went on to question how we might maintain this conscious awareness more often, day in and day out, where perhaps it wouldn't take these unfortunate moments to wake us up from our sleep walking through life.  For me this is very hard to do.  It takes diligent, daily practice and moment-to-moment conscious choices to Sail the Seven C's.  Yet I believe its well worth the effort.  Far from perfect as humans, no matter how hard we work, we will of course continue to make mistakes like the one I made just yesterday where I yelled at our two oldest boys, with unfortunate profanity to boot (so much for "Be Kind and Compassionate" in my handling of the situation).  Our boys were fighting once again, this time leading to a physical altercation.  Wish I would have handled this much better than I did and we have all since discussed it as a family.  I sincerely apologized several times to each of them for how I handled the situation and thanked Kim for her help in prompting me to "Stop, Drop, and Be" when I first reacted with anger (Although, I must admit I was annoyed at her for saying that in the heat of the moment....there she goes again Competing and Controlling!  HA!)  Was it perfect?  No.  Was it better than it would have been just a few years ago before daily efforts to Sail the Seven C's?  Yes, no question.  Bottom line, we just have to keep practicing, cut our self and others slack from time to time.  Thank you family.  Now, time for me to get right back on the horse.  Our time on Earth is far too fleeting not to.

Smile for No Reason

Whenever I get up in the morning somewhat less than happy, I do something that will sound ridiculous.  I smile.  Not once, not twice, but over and over again, sometimes holding the smile for long periods of time.  I find that no matter what my starting mood, it soon gets better.  Don't believe me?  Check out the research on the benefits of smiling often, particularly the health benefits through the release of feel good hormones, lower blood pressure and immune system boost.  Better yet, simply try it out for yourself.  It might feel silly at first, but what do you have to lose?  Simply smile for no reason and choose to make your day far better than it would have been had you done nothing at all.  And the best reason of all to smile is, its contagious.  So please pass it on.

Who Is the Real You?

As hard as I find this is, I’ve been working a very long time at trying to be just who I am, the genuine or real me like when I was a young kid, no matter who is in a room with me.  I don’t know about you, but I’ve found it too tiring to try and appear to be who I think other people want me to be, or simply trying to be perfect and without flaws in front of others.  Don’t believe that’s you sometimes?  Well think about it for a moment.  Do you speak and behave the same whenever a senior person in your organization, perhaps it’s your immediate boss, is in the room as you would if it were your spouse or best friend?  For most of us, when we are really honest, we probably have plenty of room to grow here.  We grow up learning to ‘compare’ ourselves and our sense of worth and value with how we stack up against others.  Perhaps its grades, athletic abilities, our physical appearances, or how much money we have, what position we hold, what car we drive, or where we live.  If we aren’t tops there, we look for being tops somewhere else or if that doesn’t work, we learn how to appear as if we are.  We hope that no one will find out the truth.  And, if we don’t match up in others, much less our own eyes, we feel less than worthy of love. 

The truth is we are all fine just the way we are, intrinsically of equal, honestly infinite, value as a human being.  The diversity and uniqueness of every one of us is simply miraculous.  Can’t we simply embrace this magnificence in all of us, foibles and strengths, and not work so hard to hide the real us?  Truth is, I’m a complete mess.  Just ask my wife and colleagues.  HA!  Yet I’m confident I have a few strengths to offer others as well and I’m seized by being able to serve others in this way as much as possible.  While I may not always show love toward myself like I should, and consequently show love to others, I know deep down that I’m worthy of my own love, as well as that of others.  I know I can’t truly love others unconditionally if I can’t even love myself.  I promise you we are all plenty enough and more, certainly worthy of anyone’s love, certainly our own.  So, I challenge you to first love yourself so you can unconditionally love others. 

Answer me this:  Who is the real you?  Are you willing to show yourself to whomever is in the room with you?  I hope so, ‘cause when we do, it’s like magic.

What’s On Your Gratitude List?

I wrote a short post a few days ago, “Choosing to See the Extraordinary in the Ordinary”, and today felt compelled to expand upon it just a bit by discussing a great tool, a personal gratitude list, that we can use to counter our ego’s tendency toward C-sickness.   When finding myself caught up in any one or more of the C’s, I have found that reflecting on my gratitude list is immensely helpful in getting to a more positive frame of mind. 

 

The truth is we really do have so much to be grateful for, such as the simple things that we hardly notice in the everyday press of life.  What a shame that we sometimes don’t see these everyday things and truly appreciate the immensity with which we’ve been blessed.  Things as basic in our society as our homes, clothes, and food to eat, that so much of the world goes without and we take for granted.  The truth is, most of us, even of modest means, live better than kings and queens not too many decades ago and yet we don’t even realize it.

 

What a powerful exercise it is to take time occasionally to write down or revisit a personal gratitude list that notes everything, however simple, that we are truly grateful for.  My own list brings me such joy and peace when I focus on it rather than the more often trivial challenges my ego is fixed on in my life.  If you do this one thing, creating and focusing just a few minutes daily on your own personal gratitude list, I’m confident it will be near impossible not to have a more positive attitude on life.  Struggling a bit on what to write down on your list, well how about some of the following from a never ending universal gratitude list, available to us all? 

 

• The sun shining its light and warmth, asking nothing in return
• The chance to take a peaceful walk wherever we find our self
• The chance to be truly present with life’s continuous moments, feeling our senses in action
• The chance to see the wondrous manifestations of life all around us
• The chance to smell and taste all the wonderful foods we are lucky to have available
• The chance to breath with awareness and really appreciate this wonderful, if brief, opportunity at life we have

 

Aren’t these simply amazing?  Now, what’s on your gratitude list?

"What's for Dinner?"

My wife Kim is such an amazing woman.  Just one of the things I really appreciate is her kindness and generosity.  Ever since I've known Kim, she has bent over backwards to help others anyway she can.  At the same time, it frustrates me how other people will occasionally take advantage of her generosity, asking for more and more of her help over extended periods of time, despite having alternative options available to them.  It's as if they know she will never say no to their persistent requests.  Rather than just say sorry I can't help, she will drop what she calls "polite hints" that suggest that maybe there might be another, even better, source of assistance.  Nevertheless, she is always willing to continue serving others should they not pick up on her hints.  Can you believe it?  Even when she is overwhelmed with to-dos and honestly doesn't have anymore time to spare, she will find a way to do so...

..."Oh...heh babe, what's for dinner?"  "I'm not sure Preston, I haven't had one second today to think about it."  DOH!  Guess I need to stop 'Complaining' and 'Criticizing' others and check my own attitude and behaviors toward Kim.  "What can I do to help sweet-pea?"     

Make Yourself C-Worthy

One day sometime ago after Kim was sharing some of our thinking around Sailing the Seven Cs with our middle son, Jonah, he came up with a clever way of expressing what she was conveying to him.  Kim was sharing how we really must be diligent in making conscious choices, trying our best to choose our thoughts and behaviors throughout our day in order to avoid falling into one or more of the C behaviors.  She shared examples like sitting down to write a gratitude list, calling or helping a close friend, sending thank you notes, smiling and laughing more often, getting enough rest, eating healthy, going for a walk, etc.  Jonah called this “making your ship, or yourself C-worthy”.  If you think about it, he makes good sense.  We know from countless great thinkers through the ages that we get back from life what we think about and focus our attention, words, and behaviors on.  In focusing, conscious or not, on one or more of the C’s—complaining, criticizing, clinging, controlling, competing, comparing, and chasing—we in effect slowly grow bigger and bigger holes in our self, our ship if you will, letting more and more water seep into the hull of our ship.  If we aren’t careful, taking on too much water, we might one day find that we are thoroughly “C-sick” or worse yet, “lost at C”.  HA!  I know, cheesy right, but so true.  One thing is for certain, if we don’t choose better, like some of the examples Kim shared with Jonah, we might just find our self or our ship, sunk, in effect overstressed and overtaxed, with all kinds of resulting consequences to our health over time.  Is our effectiveness at Sailing the Seven C’s really important to our overall health?  You bet!  That’s how important it really is.  Okay Jonah, let’s keep working together with our family and friends to make ourselves C-Worthy.

Choosing to See the Extraordinary in the Ordinary--A Sunrise With Kim

 

     

How often, in failing to be truly present to life, do we fail to see the countless, incredible miracles everywhere around us?  Are we ever able to discern the extraordinary in the ordinary, for it is always there?  Just last weekend Kim and I pushed ourselves to get out of bed extra early to watch the sunrise from our back deck, something we ordinarily sleep through.  So quiet, so peaceful, the amazing sun slowly rising as it does each and every day.  What an absolutely beautiful morning Kim and I shared together.  How often do we just pause to reflect on the magnificence of this occurrence and be grateful for the life it provides us all?  Sometimes its not easy to make conscious choices like this, especially when it means getting our butts out of bed early.  HA!  How often do we take these simple things in life for granted?

Three’s a Crowd…How Lucky Am I?

 

Originally Posted on September 5, 2015 

Our youngest son just turned five and he is still sleeping in our bed.  Yep, you read that right.  He just loves crawling up on top of momma’s chest to fall asleep, I suspect Kim struggles to breath as he continually gets heavier and heavier day by day.  “You are going to suffocate soon babe if we don’t get him out of our bed”, I say.  ”He’s fine she says.  I can breath just fine.”  “Threes a crowd”, I reply.  I go on to tease her about how it looks like he will finally leave once he turns 18 and moves off to college.  HA!  Of course his older brothers did the same thing.  No, I don’t mean they are still sleeping in our bed.  I mean they each left for their own rooms about age five or so.  While it seems to me that she is ‘Clinging’ to Isaac in particular because he is our last child, she knows this will be her last time to enjoy the special times that come to a mother when raising a child while young.  Several months ago while he was still four, we began diligent work toward getting him to join one of his brothers for the night.  Failure after failure finally resulted in a successful night where he fell asleep alongside Jonah, or so it seemed.  Right around 2 am, Kim bolted awake, “Isaac!”  “Relax Kim, he is with Jonah, remember.”  Off she ran to check on him, reluctantly returning to bed empty handed.  Right then and there I knew that perhaps Kim still wanted him with us as much, if not more that he did.  My efforts to convince Kim to get him out of our bed, simply another form of ‘Competing’ and attempts at ’Controlling’ my circumstances, continued for weeks upon weeks.  Then something extraordinarily cool happened one night a few months ago as we slept.  I found him crawling up on my chest rather than Kim’s.  He must have gotten confused I thought.  HA!  Hmmmn, he doesn’t weigh as much as I thought after all.  All of a sudden it sunk in.  How cool, my last son is sleeping right here on top of me.  How amazing to feel his breathing.  So peaceful now.  When awake he is an absolute maniac.  I knew instantly, at least in part I imagine, why Kim loves him sleeping on her chest so much.  Perhaps she wasn’t ‘Clinging’ after all, but rather thoroughly enjoying the last times we would experience this fleeting and very special time with him, our last child.  Maybe ‘Being Flexible and Generous’ in this situation versus ‘Competing’ and simply ’Accepting’ him in our bed versus ‘Controlling’ makes far better sense, as I know that just like with his brothers, he will move on when the time is right.  Why my rush?  Wait, on second thought, don’t answer that.  HA!  Seriously though, doesn’t it make far better sense to just thoroughly enjoy this time in our lives.  I will say that since that first time of crawling onto Daddy instead of Momma, the vast majority of nights he prefers to crawl up on Kim’s chest.  Heck, I don’t blame him.  Still, I always appreciate those few times he chooses Daddy, probably of course because he is simply tired and confused.  Oh well.  How lucky am I?

I’m ‘Just Being’ Baby, ‘Just Being’

 

Originally Posted on September 3, 2015   

Don’t we sometimes get so busy doing, running faster and faster, trying to get it all done, that we fail to really realize how fast time is flying by?  Before you know it, an entire day has flown by and we suddenly realize we missed most of it, that is, we weren’t really present at all.  When I recognize the swirl I get myself into in moments like these, I try to remember something Kim taught me in our first year of marriage, “Just Be” she would suggest.  I used to have my long Saturday to-do list and get so stressed if Kim and I didn’t get it all done that day.  As I reflect back on it now, most of it wasn’t all that important.  You might even say Kim was right, ”who cares?”  My diligence to get more and more done, caught up in this particular form of ’Chasing’ instead of ‘Simplifying’ my life and living present to the wonder of now, led my father to routinely tease me that the country song (I forget the title) with the chorus, “I’m in a hurry to get things done, oh I rush and rush until life’s no fun.  All I really have to do is live and die, but I’m in a hurry and don’t know why” was the perfect reflection of my then mindset.  He would routinely tell me, “relax son, there is plenty of time”.  I never could understand why he thought that way or why he pinned me with that song until that one particular Saturday in my first year of marriage to Kim.  Up I got, eager to get started to beat the crowds, list in hand and there was Kim, my best friend and devoted ally in getting it all done.  Only this time something was different.  “Put your list away Preston.  I just want us ‘to be’ this morning.”  “What the heck are you talking about?”  ”Just sit and be with me for a while”, Kim replied.  I could tell right away by her demeanor that I better do it, or we would never get to my list.  She sat on the couch, patted the spot right next to her and down I sat, I’m certain wearing a scowl on my face.  Reaching for the TV remote, she stopped me, “No Preston, we’re just going to be right now.  No TV”.  I still remember looking around, thoroughly dismayed, impatiently sitting there next to my wonderful wife for what seemed like an eternity.  Wow!  I couldn’t even sit down for five minutes to simply be present with my wife.  I had a lot of work to do.  What a lesson Kim began to share with me, though I’m not sure she knew it at the time.  I must say it took countless ‘just be’ sessions with her to get me oriented in a better direction, a direction I still work toward every day.  I’m telling you though, once I learn something, it sticks.  Fast forward to last Tuesday evening before trash pickup-day the next morning.  Kim says, “Preston, don’t you think the trash needs taking out?  I could also really use some help with some of the chores today.”  Instead of ‘Complaining’, I immediately thought, ’Be Positive and Playful’.  I replied, “Oh I will, promise.  Right now I’m ‘just being’ baby, ‘just being’.”  HA!  You should have seen the look of love she gave me just then.

The Only Constant Today Is Change

 

Originally Posted on September 1, 2015 

Have you ever heard the saying, “the only constant today is change”?  Don’t know about you, but seems pretty darn relevant today, don’t you think?  Well when do you think the saying was first said?  One hundred or two hundred years ago?  One thousand?  Turns out a Greek philosopher named Heraclitus said it over 2500 years ago.  Isn’t that funny?  Except there is a difference with change today versus the time of Heraclitus.  Any ideas?  Isn’t the amount of change accelerating?  Just think about the accelerating technological change we are experiencing and you will recognize this truth.  Aren’t so many of us asked to do more in less time than we were five or even ten years ago?  A bit of a dinosaur myself when it comes to technology (thank goodness for Kim), I remember not too many years ago I very much resisted the notion that technology had much utility when dealing with the discipline of facilitated leadership learning.  I would say things like, “leadership learning must take place in face-to-face environments” for anything meaningful to take place.  “You can’t learn leadership online” I’d lament.  Back then, you sure as heck wouldn’t find me joining forces with Kim to create a Sail the Seven C’s website, Facebook presence, and writing this blog.  Heck, I didn’t even know what a blog really was until a colleague, not too many years ago, showed me one she created on the subject of leadership…You know who you are!  Finally, I would say to Kim, “I would rather just keep it simple”.  Turns out my efforts at ’Controlling’ versus ‘Accepting’ the ever increasing influx of technology and all that it brings, good and bad, was futile to say the least and honestly made my life more complex, not simpler.  Perhaps the most amusing part was that when I finally did accept the importance of using technology (albeit in consciously chosen and simple ways that work for our purposes) to remain relevant in our world today, I quickly began to realize how wonderful it could become in augmenting leadership learning in countless ways, and in no way threatened, but rather enhanced the face-to-face engagements I love so much.  While perhaps there are times in which ‘Controlling’ makes sense, I’m putting my faith in doing my best at ‘Accepting’ the increasingly ambiguous world we must now operate in, at ‘Accepting’ who and what’s around me whenever possible, especially if I can do nothing about it.  Let me close by saying how excited I am today to have this venue to engage, share ideas, and Sail the Seven C’s with so many family, friends, and colleagues.  Isn’t it nuts amazing we can do that today?  Just think where we were just twenty years ago…for me, before Kim.  HA!

Cherish the Moments

 

Was able to take a few hours of leave this morning to see two of our boys start a new year of school.  Running a bit late, our middle son, twelve, ran hurriedly to catch up to his friends, already starting their walk toward a new, 7th grade year.  Shoot!  I didn’t get a chance to hug him one last time, to wish him good luck.  Feeling like I missed the moments pass all too quickly, a bit later I watched carefully our oldest walk away from the house on his way to the bus stop for his first day of high school.  I suddenly found myself tearing up.  Words can’t begin to describe the overwhelming feelings pouring through me at that moment.  Fourteen years of age and taller than me now, yet as I watched him walk the path he had walked for nine previous years, suddenly in an instant he was only five once again, so tiny, so anxious, and so fearful.  And yet today he and his brother left as confident as ever, so independent.  An overpowering realization was upon me that nearly a decade had flown by all too quickly.  How much did I miss our boys lives?  How often was I not present with them?  All past now, as memories flooded in of the time when they were both five, the age of our 3rd child now.  ‘Clinging’, almost desperately to the past, to that all too precious time with my boys, now gone forever, so much of which I know I foolishly squandered.  ‘Clinging’ to memories that I know will fade more and more with each passing year.  So little time left with them.  When must Kim and I, and how can we, ‘Let Go’ when they one day become young men and leave our home?  How will we be when they finally leave?  I know I will be a basket case for sure, but I know their leaving is how it must be.  As my father did with me when we both reluctantly ’Let Go’, we will one day have to do the same with one another, for time is at last all too short.  We are so very proud of who they are, so proud of everything about them.  They are only the best parts of Kim and me.  We love them beyond measure and so one day we know, we will have to let them all go.

Butterfly On a Turd

One of the things I often find myself ’Complaining’ about is our dog, Cocoa, pooping on our back deck versus taking the stairs down to the back yard.  It happens so often, we posted a playful sign on the deck, “Poop Deck” to put it in perspective for ourselves, warning guests to be careful if we haven’t yet disposed of Cocoa’s gifts to us.  To say I disapprove and ‘Criticize’ Cocoa’s poor pooping habits is a huge understatement.  Imagine our surprise to find this morning the most beautiful butterfly sitting patiently on one of Cocoa’s turds on our deck.  Are you kidding me?  If a beautiful butterfly can find something to appreciate about Cocoa’s turds, how can I not find something to appreciate about all that I ‘Complain’ about or ‘Criticize’?  How often do we focus our attention and look for what’s wrong with someone or something versus looking for what’s right?  What all do we miss seeing everyday, the extraordinary in the ordinary, that’s right in front of us while we are busy not being present to life?  Imagine what would happen if each of us spent as much time looking for what’s right in the world versus what’s wrong?  How amazing, to be like a butterfly, appreciating even a turd.  WOW!

Is My Snoring Really That Bad?

 

Originally Posted on August 28, 2015 

Leo Buscaglia, in his book “Born For Love” talks about a woman who was determined to change her husband.  From a letter she wrote to him, Buscaglia wrote, “After years of nagging, threatening, molding and shaping, she finally succeeded.  At long last he was all that she wished him to be.  Now she had a new problem.  She complained that he was no longer the man she married.”  HA!  That’s funny stuff.  Are we ever content to just stop, relax, and stop trying to ‘Control’ our spouse or significant other when he or she doesn’t meet our self-absorbed desires and expectations?  Well of course Kim and I don’t do this with each other…hee hee.  Don’t we need to ‘Accept’ and love them for the incredibly beautiful and unique human beings they are?  Honestly, dare to care.  Especially with our loved ones.  For example, my wife Kim has been ‘Complaining’ lately about my snoring keeping her awake at night.  Well I’ve been snoring for at least the 18 years we’ve been together and it hasn’t bothered her until now.  After discussing the issue with her, she shared that she has been overwhelmed by a huge ‘to do’ list lately and has been annoyed with me for not noticing and offering to help.  It seems my snoring has become a nice target for her frustration.  I’m now trying to help her get many of the things on her list complete, so that her life has a little less stress and I can keep us in the same bed.  HA!  She tells me she is now sleeping a little better, in part because of my help.  This doesn’t sound that bad, does it?  (don’t forget to turn up your volume first!) Very subtle and soothing, don’t you think?   https://www.facebook.com/SailtheSevenCs/videos/1611924052394479/

Is It Even Possible to Curb Our Competing?

 

Originally Posted on August 26, 2015  

When talking about the seven C’s with friends of colleagues, I’ve found they tend to pause and hesitate the quickest when ’Competing’ is discussed.  Why?  Simply put, it’s what we have been conditioned with from birth, from grades, to sports, to business, everything is a competition.  We are taught its key to success in life.  Second place is first loser.  They say things like, “come on, you have to compete to get ahead” or ”our country runs on competition”.  While I agree that there are certainly plenty of times for competing, in relationships and love of friends and colleagues, it just doesn’t work.  Choosing to ‘Be Flexible and Generous’ is more effective every time, in my experience building trust and better outcomes over and over again in the long term.  Don’t believe me?  Check out the research done by experts like Adam Grant on the real benefits of giving.  This said, ’unlearning’ our learned, overwhelming tendency to compete in just about everything can be incredibly difficult, taking conscious choices throughout our day to sail this particular C.  I highly recommend taking a very amusing look at this challenge of ‘Competing’ versus ‘Being Generous’ in the NY Times 3 minute video by Key and Peele, key words ”The Generosity of Key and Peele”, that introduces the NY Times cover story on Adam Grant and his work on giving and helping others.  Beyond simply cracking you up, I know the irony in the video wont be lost on you.

Bob Seger “Against the Wind”

 

Originally Posted on August 24, 2015

 

So back to work after two weeks off to catching up on hundreds of emails.  Great to see friends again.  At the end of the day, setting out from work a bit later than normal, I knew I was risking more traffic, but this?  Are you kidding!?  My normal 1 hour commute was going to easily be 1.5 hours if not more.  My ’Complaining’ quickly began.  Oh, the look I gave the guy who just blatantly cut me off and made me miss the light.  RRRGHHHH!  ‘Criticizing’ his poor driving decision doesn’t even begin to express what was on my mind at this point.  Time for some choices and sailing a few C’s.  ‘Stop, Drop, and Be’…take a deep breath.  ‘Acceptance’ or more futile efforts at ‘Controlling’ the uncontrollable?  ’Being Positive and Playful’ or more ‘Complaining’ bringing me down?  ‘Kindness and Compassion’ or more ‘Criticizing’?  I think, maybe he has a sick wife at home he is hurrying home to help her?  Naaah!  No matter, choice is made.  Crank up the tune, some absolutely awesome Bob Seger!  Can’t beat it, singing and dancing in my seat, looking like a fool.  Now, that’s what I’m talking about.  Walking into my beautiful wife and 5 year old son cooking something that smells divine.  Yeehaw!  It’s all a series of choices in how we respond.  What’s yours?

Don’t wait to buy that red dress!

 

Originally Posted on August 23, 2015 

         

I was re-reading one of my favorite books yesterday, Leo Buscaglia’s ‘Living, Loving, & Learning’ and came across a short story where he describes how a friend of his lost his wife and was asking whether he should bury her in that red satin dress she always wanted, but he never got around to buying it for her. He had always thought he would get it for her when…when just never seemed to come along. I wonder how often we put off doing something really important for someone we love, something we know they really want, that we can make happen with not too much trouble? How often do we put off doing something simple that means so much to someone else, rather waiting for a distant time that may never come? Why not do something like that today for someone you love?

Trouble with the C’s when launching new website!

 

Originally Posted on August 21, 2015

 

Kim and I were laughing and teasing each other this morning about how easy it is to caught up in one or more of the C’s. In fact, when we were working together yesterday to launch the website, we both fell into ‘Competing’, ‘Controlling’, ‘Criticizing’, and ‘Complaining’ with one another. Not bad, 4 out of 7 C’s. HA! The real irony, funny part was we were doing what we argue not to do in the very thing we were about to launch. Now that’s funny. Shows us all how hard it can be to sail the seven C’s every day. We are all human with big egos. Cool part is we were both able to use the technique, ‘Stop, Drop, & Be’ to keep the C’s from spiraling into a full blown fight/lost at C situation. HA!

Be Like A Palm Tree

Originally Posted on August 23, 2015   

    

Don’t we spend far too much of our day ‘Competing’ with others in countless ways?  It amazes me how often I compete with Kim to be right in our c0nversations and therefore convince her she must be wrong.  When I can catch myself doing this, I stop, pause, and try to remember the palm tree in order to choose a more ’Flexible and Generous’ approach to our debate, whatever it is.  I try to think why not be flexible like the palm tree that can survive in the hurricane by bending in the strongest of winds where the stiff oak is ripped from the ground?  Believe it or not, it helps, like it did just now while entering this blog together.  HA!  As well, we get so much more from each other when we practice being generous toward each other by remaining silent and trying our very best to truly understand each other’s point of view versus listening in order to counter or persuade.