Starfish on the Beach

How many opportunities to spread some kindness or compassion do we pass up on every day?  I'm not talking about huge things, rather simple ones like telling someone how much we appreciate who they are and what they do, or giving something to someone, even when not asked or when it costs us nothing at all.  It really is a shame when we don't seize on more of these with countless opportunities everywhere around us.  We are so often seemingly too busy to look for them, to notice, or to get involved.  After all, what's in it for us?  What difference will we really make after all?

This reminds me of the story about the little boy on a beach.  Thousands of starfish had washed up on this beach and the boy was one by one, throwing the starfish back into the ocean so they would not die on the hot sand.  A man passing by told the boy, "kid, why are you wasting your time doing that?  You can't possibly make a difference by what you are doing."  As the kid threw yet one more star fish back in the ocean, he replied, "I made a difference for that one."

If we merely think in terns of grand gestured of kindness and compassion and the possibility of saving all of the starfish out there, we can easily miss those wonderful moments to help the few starfish that we can help.  Maybe its just a simple phone call to say hi, to say we are thinking of someone.  Maybe its an apology or show of appreciation for another.  Maybe it's a hug given to someone when they really need it or even when they don't.  Heck, it could simply be a much needed smile offered at just the right moment, which is really each and every moment as little as we smile in our world.  Isn't it possible that our simplest efforts really do make a huge difference, often without us even knowing how, if even just for a few of those thousands of starfish?  And you know the really cool thing is you can make these offers of kindness and compassion a daily habit of yours.  How?  By reviewing each night how well you did that day.  Ask yourself, what did I do today that was kind?  How did I show compassion?

"What's that Isaac?  You want daddy to cut you up an apple?  Coming right up Boo-Bear."  Sorry guys, I'm out of here for now."

Why Not Make Peace with Your Skeletons?

Many of us have skeletons in our closets, that is things we aren't proud of having done in the past.  If not careful, these choices made long ago can keep us fixated on our past, dwelling on "if only's" and "what if's" versus focusing on the present moment and taking positive actions to navigate our ship (guide our life) toward a course of our liking.  The truth is the past doesn't even exist anymore except in the memories of those involved.  All we have is right now, this very moment.  Interestingly, each person remembers things so different anyway, revealed only in the stories we all tell our self and each other about what happened, partial truths at best.  Wouldn't it be better to let go of 'Clinging' to the past entirely, save for perhaps the positive memories that remain.  Why not make peace with your skeletons and realize, as awful as you and others may see them, they are done now, past, and gone?  You have new, fresh choices to make today, consciously present to life this very day, this very moment.  Truth is our choices in the past, both good and bad, have shaped the miracle we are today.  Why be consumed and ruled any longer by our non-existent past?  Why not choose to let go and Sail the Seven C's? 

Burning Down the House

Kim and I occasionally try the following thought experiment.  Imagine that your house burns down completely, with all of your possessions inside.  You only have enough time to grab what your two hands can carry and you have no time to risk going back in as the flames take everything else.  What would you bring with you?  Photos, family heirlooms, treasured jewelry?  Wait, don't we have cloud access for our photos babe, so I can grab something else?  HA! 

How would you react to the loss of nearly everything you own?  Talk about 'Letting Go' versus 'Clinging'.  What attitude would you bring to the table?  Of course, no one would want such a tragedy to befall them, but could there be something amazing as a result if it did?  Imagine the freedom you would have with literally nothing to tie you down, to take care of, to be responsible for maintaining.  Can you see the possibilities and excitement of starting over and being ever so careful about what you bring into your life from this day forth?  Kim and I love to think about the few possessions that mean most to us, that we might hate losing the most, but the truth is we take absolutely none of it with us when we pass anyway.  Doing this brings on a gratitude for not just those most prized treasures, but everything else we have in our lives.  That said, it also makes us realize how little any of our 'stuff' really matters in the final analysis.  What does matter of course is each other, the relationships we have, the love we share with one another, with our fellow man.  So, what would you take with you if your house burned down?  

Why Not Choose Unconditional Love?

Have you ever thought about how ridiculous and impossible it is to really, genuinely love and connect with someone else, when you expect and require that they behave someway or be someone other than whom they really are?  Well, I have.  And yet, I often find myself trying to do just that, my futile efforts at 'Controlling' someone else.  Maybe it's my boys, needing them to show the appropriate social behaviors in front of others, so as not to embarrass me.  And when they don't, 'Criticizing' them for their lack of manners.  Or maybe it's needing Kim to act a certain way, to show me love and adoration in front of others or even in private.  What's more, if she doesn't (even when I never asked her to...HA!), deciding to feel that she doesn't love me as much as I do her.  Wow!  Talk about self-absorption. 

If we genuinely want to have unconditional love in our relationships, don't we need to let go of all of our own stuff and 'Be Accepting' of others for whom they are and everything they bring to the table moment to moment?  Now, I'm not talking about accepting abusive behaviors or words and actions that go against us or those we love.  Sometimes, it's very important to voice our disapproval of negative behaviors we see, for the benefit of others and ourselves.  Yet, how do we know if our actions are truly those of unconditional love?  Simply ask yourself, "Am I coming from a genuine place of caring without expecting anything in return or am I putting conditions on my love (I will love you 'If'...)?"  One of the best examples of unconditional love is the bond between a parent and child, but even that isn't always perfect.  It's very difficult to love everyone unconditionally all the time, but our lives and those around us will surely be better if we strive towards this ideal way of being.  Of course, we can always choose to love selfishly, just rest assured, the love we then share with others will only be conditional at best.  I prefer working toward unconditional love and last I checked, I'm probably about 5 % there.  HA!  Yet, I'm still trying.  Trying to Sail the Seven C's baby!  How about you?     

Which C Was That?

When we recognize that we are falling into one of the C behaviors, don't we often find that we are falling into one or more of the other C's as well, almost at the same time?  When this happens, doesn't the line of one C versus another sometimes become blurred?  What C was that? Heck, sometimes it seems like I'm falling into all seven at once.  Just ask Kim.  HA!  Seriously though, we often find for instance Complaining close behind Criticizing or the other way around.  Same way with Competing and Comparing.  I like to think of Controlling as the mother of all C's, as every other C behavior tends to follow closely with this one, though Kim and I disagree on this to some degree.  There we go again, Competing with one another.  Truth is that our ego will find all kinds of ways of manifesting its presence through multiple C's, sometimes simultaneously, in our lives any chance it gets.

A good friend of mine, Eric Baker, shared a really cool observation with me along these lines that I like very much.  Much akin to how blurry the lines between one or more C's might be at any given moment, aren't the seas themselves, or rather the geographical delineation between the five distinct oceans somewhat blurry as well?  Honestly, where exactly does one ocean begin and end versus another?  Sometimes its difficult to tell where one C begins and another one starts.  While we make distinctions in describing each of the Seven C's for purposes of understanding and being able to observe if, when, and how these attitudes, thinking, and behaviors tend to show up daily in our life, in some ways these clear distinctions might limit us somewhat in practical terms if we are too busy trying to identify which specific C we are falling into.  Put simply, isn't it better to just notice when any of the C's, one or more, shows up and then practice "Stop, Drop, and Be" as the objective observer?  In doing so, we can create space for our self to retake the helm of our ship and consciously navigate in a better direction of our choosing.