Where Did the Time Go?

Our family had a great opportunity to join my aunt Verla and our cousins' families for Thanksgiving this year via a relatively short drive down south.  To say that our short time together was fantastic would be a huge understatement.  Everyone couldn't believe how 7 years had passed so quickly since the last time all of the families were together at one place.  "Where did the time go?"  "Look how big the children are now?"  "This five year old is Isaac?  Wow!"  Sometimes it takes rare opportunities like this to jolt us back to wakefulness, to being present, to appreciating what life and family present us.  I worked hard in those brief two days to really be genuinely present, soak it all up, and hopefully carry with me precious memories of family, all together, enjoying and loving each other.  While I hope not, will it be 7 more years before our next time together comes around again?  And what about all of the family and friends on both sides that we didn't get the chance to see this year, as we live so far from one another?  Doesn't life have a way of taking us away from what matters most in our lives?  Before we even realize, the sand in our hour glass will be gone.  Why not practice discipline to choose to be mindful, awake, aware, and present wherever we are moment to moment, but especially in those briefest of times when we are lucky to be with one another face-to-face?  Why not choose to Sail the Seven C's, those behaviors that take us away from being truly present with life and one another?  Why not make this choice, admittedly sometimes difficult, over and over again until it becomes habit?  We have so precious little time remaining.     

Embrace the Chaos

Don't many of our children spend far too much time in the virtual world (video games, instant messaging, social media, etc.) instead of the real world?  They already grow up way too fast and if we aren't careful, they will be gone before we know it and we will have missed it, never having been present and building the relationships with them that we truly want. 

Kim and I (okay Kim - HA!) decided this last week to significantly curtail "device" time and institute family game night every night during the week, meaning we eat dinner together and right afterward, play at least one game together as a family (last week it was Uno and Monopoly Empire).  At first there was much resistance as you might imagine, even from me to be honest.  Why?  For some reason, when all five of us are together, the noise level rises to extraordinary heights, threatening to drive me absolutely crazy, as each child struggles ('Competes') to be heard.  Again and again I sought to exert 'Control' over the experience with repeated, stern "bring it on down boys" and nothing seemed to change.  If anything, the boys just got louder.  I was about to explode with yelling when all at once, the familiar friend, 'Stop, Drop, and Be' took over.  I gained a few moments of perspective.  I simply sat back, stayed silent for several moments, and just observed the truly marvelous activity going on before me.  This is it.  How marvelous!  Our family all together, laughing, playing.  I had a choice to make.  I could get really mad, yell, and spoil the fun.  I could simply walk away and leave the family experience all together.  Or, I could try and simply accept, perhaps even welcome whole heartedly, the way things were going.  Fortunately for me, and honestly for our family fun, I chose the latter.  All of a sudden, as if miraculously, the loud voices weren't so loud.  Or, perhaps they never changed at all, rather I did.  A huge grin on my face.  "Well played son.  Who's ready for another round of Uno?" 

    

Why Not Smell the Roses?

When Kim and I were first married, for many years, I used to think buying her flowers was a waste of money.  After all, flowers die so quickly, particularly red roses, which she liked the most.  I never could understand why Kim wanted to be "surprised" with flowers of all things, particularly as she and I shared the belief that gifts of highest quality meant there would be something remaining after many years of time--like a ring, necklace, or watch perhaps--to reflect on and bring joyful memories to light.  Then one day, as I more and more began to turn my life more toward my wife than myself (trust me, I'm still inordinately selfish and self-absorbed with a very long way to go.  HA!), I began to get her what she wanted regardless.  If she wants red roses, red roses she gets.

Truth is there is something incredibly magical about roses, flowers in general, that speaks to the love they represent.  Flowers are something of incredible beauty and fragrance, and yet live for such an all too short time.  They are so fragile.  Just like us.  They make us smile.  They compel us to take care of them, to cherish them for as long as we are lucky enough to have them near us.  How lucky that we can care for them like we hopefully do one another.  We want them to last forever, but just like our loved ones, they in fact don't.  If we don't take care of them, they wilt and die much quicker than their potential.  Just like our relationships.  Flowers are symbolic of the love and compassion we know should be part of our lives' purpose, part of how we treat others, and yet how often do we consciously reflect on them, much less this?  So when she wants roses, why not take time to occasionally surprise her with some?  By the way, they are a gift for us as well, if we simply take notice.  Why not take time to really appreciate all that she and they bring?  Life is so fleeting.  Why not take time to smell the roses?

What Do You Choose?

One of the central themes behind Sail the Seven C's is the awesome power of choice each of us always has in front of us.  No matter what happens in life and no matter how much we might protest, we always have a choice in how we respond to life.  While we might wish it to be different, life rarely works out just like we want it to, and yet we might say who cares, since we can literally choose how we want to think about these things, what meaning to make of it all, what attitude to bring, even what to believe is true.

An example of this power of choice occurred when I drove with Kim across country, back to her parents' home for her last year in college.  Despite only having dated for three months, I could easily see myself spending the rest of my life with her if she would have me and yet there was an enormous, seemingly insurmountable challenge in front of us.  She grew up in a very religious home in which her faith was the very fabric of life for her and her family.  I on the other hand wasn't religious at all and despite months of study, found that I didn't believe a great deal of what she had been taught her entire life.  It was crazy for Kim to consider marrying a non-member.  I never imagined I would fall in love with a religious woman.  On the last night before arriving at her parents and saying goodbye, possibly forever and not wanting to leave anything unshared, I expressed all my love for her and my fear about our differing beliefs keeping us apart.  Her reply is still etched in my mind nineteen year later, "I will never let religion keep us from one another" she replied.  I knew right then she loved me as much as I did her.  I had to marry my one true love.  The obstacles and challenges we faced in the months, even years to follow were tremendous, complicated in large part by our family's efforts to 'compete, compare, control, criticize, complain, chase, and cling'.  Those details don't matter so much.  Yet we both kept coming back to the most powerful choice of all, that of love, over and over again, and that has proven to make all the difference.  We began to let go of our, and others', demands born of ego, of needing to be right, and knowing what's best.  Truth is in this one aspect of our life, we began to Sail the Seven C's together, despite the challenges we faced.

I often say that you could sum up all of life in just two words, Challenge; Choice.  Yet the bottom line is the challenge doesn't really matter all that much (heck we can't control the challenge anyway), only our choice matters, moment to moment, in the final analysis.  I know what choice Kim and I made.  So let me ask you, what do you choose to think about and focus your attention on when the challenges of life come your way?  Will it be the Seven C's or will it be principles born of love no matter what?

What's 50 Cents?

Kim was at the grocery store the other day and a young boy, maybe 10-12, was in the self check out line right in front of her.  She noted how he was disheveled, wearing ratty clothes and an old worn and torn coat.  She imagined he and his family probably didn't have much money.  He was trying to purchase a notebook, perhaps for school, and had just, painfully slow, put into the self-check system a few crumpled up dollar bills he pulled from his pocket.  He was 32 cents short and after announcing a few times that he didn't have enough, Kim took two quarters from her purse and offered it to him.  Without looking at Kim, without saying a thing, he took the 50 cents, loaded it into the machine and completing the transaction.  He grabbed his newly purchased notebook and the change that slowly rolled out of the dispenser and simply walked out of the store.  No look back, no thank you, no giving Kim back the 18 cents remaining.  He just walked away.

Later, Kim and I discussed how he showed such poor manners.  "How could he just take the 50 cents without even looking at me once, the person helping him out, much less saying thank you?"  I replied,  "Perhaps he was embarrassed to have to ask for more money?  I know I would have been.  Perhaps, his home life isn't so conducive to the manners we work so hard to instill in our own boys?  Perhaps, we will probably never know."

Regardless, we began to discuss how giving something to someone, the act of 'Being Kind and Compassionate', is not really giving if its wrapped up in all kinds of expectations about how someone should or shouldn't respond or when we expect something in return.  The important thing is, he got the notebook he needed so much more than we needed our 50 cents.  I wonder what things we can give today and do so anonymously?