"I'm Feeling Lucky Today"

How much did they win this time???  Anyone hear about or perhaps even play the latest lottery?  Wow!!!  What a serious amount of money, huh?  Ever felt like your life would be better, challenges disappear, and constant happiness would be forever found if such luck would only happen to you?  Kim pointed me to an interesting article recently about so many past huge lottery winners who, after a relatively short period of time, found themselves broke or worse, even in prison.  All the scientific research on happiness shows that after basic needs are met with a baseline financial level reached, more and more money doesn't bring more happiness into our lives.  In fact, many of the past lottery winners even reported being less happy than before they won.  How does this happen?  Is it possible that such a windfall might actually be a curse? 

I wonder if 'Chasing' isn't coming into play here, maybe even for all of us from time to time?  Could it be that no matter how much money one gets, there will always be more to chase after?  Could whatever sum of money never in fact be key to satisfying whatever unmet desire or need we think we may still have in order to finally be happy or happier?  While I feel pretty confident that our family won't ever fall into the lottery kind of money to personally experience the opportunities and challenges this would bring, I can't help but think we already have more than enough, with all of our needs met.  Oh wait, there is that college thing looming, isn't there?  HA!

Perhaps the flip side of the happiness equation is simply working to be content with modest desires and needs?  I suppose most of us could probably use a bit extra here and there, but don't we really already have plenty to spare?  If you stop and think about it, most of us are already living better than kings and queens of old, aren't we?  Could we somehow choose to stop 'Chasing' after more and more and stop "Biggering" as Dr. Seuss once wrote?  Could we trade striving for arriving?  Could we let go of that crazy idea that somehow our lives would be forever, positively changed if we would simply win the lottery and get this or that, whatever this or that happens to be?  Rather, could we 'Simplify' our desires and needs and 'Let go' of our 'Clinging' to literally all of our current material possessions, in order to find a certain peace and richness beyond what our ego tells us would be so great?  Isn't this simply illusory?  Could we simply 'Be grateful and content' with our lives just as they are right now? 

"What's that Jonah?  You say you are feeling lucky today.  Well then perhaps we should buy a ticket and just see what happens?  On second thought, maybe we shouldn't.  After all, we are already so lucky every day." 

Who Is Who?

Kim told me a story a few days ago about growing up with her sister Debbie, closest to her in age.  In the faith they grew up in, one would regularly meet one-on-one with the current bishop of their church to hear him offer advice and guidance on matters involving kids growing up.  Well Kim believed, and found it rather funny, that one particular bishop severely confused her and Debbie to the point where he offered counsel and recommendations based on believing he was talking to the other sister.  HA!  While Debbie was very diligent in doing things right and being a "good" girl in all matters, Kim was...well lets just say..not so "good" and into all kinds of mischief (by church standards at least) as she grew up.  She and her sister would laugh uncontrollably at the bishop's advice to each of them.  "Kim, you are doing incredibly well.  Keep up all your good work serving heavenly father."  Meanwhile, he would offer Debbie, "I'm concerned by some of the choices you are making lately.  Your grades are really suffering."

While the two girls probably should have offered their bishop their belief that he might have them confused, isn't it funny and interesting how convinced we get that we are right.  "There isn't any chance I'm mistaken on this one", we think and so hold steadfastly to our position.  And yet how many times does new information reveal that we were in fact partially if not completely wrong.  Whether it was the girls' bishop or they themselves who were mistaken, communicating from a place of openness rather than certainty and trying to truly understand all aspects of the situation and the other person makes best sense doesn't it?  Such an approach might lead to far less "Competing, Criticizing, and Controlling' if you ask me.  Wouldn't you agree...or am I mistaken?   

"Every Life Leaves Something Beautiful Behind"

Many of us lost a wonderful life a few days ago with the passing of a dear friend and former colleague after battling cancer for many years.  Doctors told him that he only had months to live when first diagnosed, but he refused to accept this prognosis.  To say he was a survivor through and through is a gross understatement.  I often say that you could boil all of life down to two words, 'Challenge; Choice'.  Life presents it's challenge and then we get to choose how to respond.  I believe to this extraordinary man, everything that really mattered was in the 'Choice' piece, the choices he made moment to moment and the example he was to others no matter what life threw at him.

He truly showed up in life as perhaps the greatest example of the indomitable human sprit, the power of attitude and choice available to every one of us.  A true pearl in the oyster of life, he was an example of never giving up and cherishing literally every moment we are lucky enough to have on earth.  He leaves us now for what's next, having left something so beautiful behind him that words can't possibly describe it's magnificence.  His incredibly wonderful family, his friends, and our country, so much better for him having shared his life with us.  His extraordinary example of the true power of choice, living in the moment, and being of service to others.  Thank you for this my friend.  We will all miss you so very much and are so grateful for your time with us.

Nutcracker? Say What?

Kim recently told me we were going to be seeing our niece, an incredibly talented ballerina, performing in the Nutcracker.  "Nutcracker?  Say What?"  Neither of us had ever seen a ballet and had no idea what to expect.  It was time to get cultured...well a little bit anyway.  Knowing absolutely nothing about what the performance would entail, imagine my surprise when, other than the beautiful music, there was absolutely no words spoken, by anyone, not even the mice.  HA!  Not only that, there was no singing.  We soon found out, absolutely no words were needed, as the entire story was communicated by the incredible dancing.  As I settled into the dazzling performance, focusing particularly on the amazing art of our niece (yes, she was really, really good), I was struck by the messages of the story behind the beautiful entertainment in front of us.  

A a young girl, while playing mischievously with her younger brother near Christmas, is presented with a Nutcracker toy by her godfather.  The younger brother sees the Nutcracker, and jealous of his sister, wrestles her for it.  You know what happens next...."spoiler alert".  It breaks!  The unfortunate result of their 'Competing, Comparing, Chasing, and Clinging' result in nothing for either of them.  How sad.  Then, in walks the godfather who shows acts of kindness, compassion, and further generosity by mending the toy he had just given the girl.  The rest of the performance ensues from there in a story about hope for a prosperous future where joy, generosity, beauty, kindness, and compassion are all around us.  What a great time to see, hear, and feel this message that transcends all cultures and needs no spoken words.  Couldn't we all benefit from such a message these days?  Honestly, it doesn't get any better than that.  Don't worry guys, check it out.  It's honestly quite spectacular to see.  And gals, as Kim and my sister-in-law noted, you will get to watch a handsome, totally in shape guy, dance around in skin tight pants for two hours.  HA! LOL!  I know...so much for getting cultured.  HAPPY HOLIDAYS!

RRRAAAGGGHHH!!!

Kim and I went to the grocery store the other day for a few things for Caleb's birthday party.  I was in a playful mood, teasing Kim with the cart, over and over again racing up to the back of her feet, as if I was going to run into her.  She always gets so scared I will misjudge the distance and gets quite annoyed, having to both shop and guard herself at the same time.  Perhaps you have felt that pain when a cart accidentally hits you?  No, I didn't hit her...this time.  HA!  Down one isle, she picked up the gram cracker crust for Caleb's pie and moved on briskly, avoiding my continued teasing and leaving me to contemplate possibly adding cookies to our list.  Okay, yes these were for me.  After maybe 30 second or so, Kim comes running back, laughing and clearly embarrassed.  She hugged me tight, almost with tears in her eyes.  I asked her, "what happened?" She replied, "I thought you were right behind me, so I hid behind the edge of the next aisle and jumped out to scare you.  RRRAAAGGGHHHH!!!!  I scared an elderly lady half to death.  The woman looked very annoyed and bewildered and left in a big hurry.  I think she thought I was crazy."  We both proceeded laughing like crazy.  You know, the big belly laughs that genuinely hurt.  Kim felt so bad and so embarrassed.  "I love what a mess you are sweetpea.  You know, this is what happens when you try and get me back."  Yes, she did really get me back later.  We finished our shopping, smiling at everyone, zeroing in on the return grimaces on so many people's faces.  They all seemed so unhappy.  "I don't want us to be like that", we said to each other.  It's important to stay 'Positive and Playful' versus 'Complaining' about everything not going our way or being to our liking.  Our experience is that it makes the world a much better place to live.





   

Where Did the Time Go?

Our family had a great opportunity to join my aunt Verla and our cousins' families for Thanksgiving this year via a relatively short drive down south.  To say that our short time together was fantastic would be a huge understatement.  Everyone couldn't believe how 7 years had passed so quickly since the last time all of the families were together at one place.  "Where did the time go?"  "Look how big the children are now?"  "This five year old is Isaac?  Wow!"  Sometimes it takes rare opportunities like this to jolt us back to wakefulness, to being present, to appreciating what life and family present us.  I worked hard in those brief two days to really be genuinely present, soak it all up, and hopefully carry with me precious memories of family, all together, enjoying and loving each other.  While I hope not, will it be 7 more years before our next time together comes around again?  And what about all of the family and friends on both sides that we didn't get the chance to see this year, as we live so far from one another?  Doesn't life have a way of taking us away from what matters most in our lives?  Before we even realize, the sand in our hour glass will be gone.  Why not practice discipline to choose to be mindful, awake, aware, and present wherever we are moment to moment, but especially in those briefest of times when we are lucky to be with one another face-to-face?  Why not choose to Sail the Seven C's, those behaviors that take us away from being truly present with life and one another?  Why not make this choice, admittedly sometimes difficult, over and over again until it becomes habit?  We have so precious little time remaining.     

Embrace the Chaos

Don't many of our children spend far too much time in the virtual world (video games, instant messaging, social media, etc.) instead of the real world?  They already grow up way too fast and if we aren't careful, they will be gone before we know it and we will have missed it, never having been present and building the relationships with them that we truly want. 

Kim and I (okay Kim - HA!) decided this last week to significantly curtail "device" time and institute family game night every night during the week, meaning we eat dinner together and right afterward, play at least one game together as a family (last week it was Uno and Monopoly Empire).  At first there was much resistance as you might imagine, even from me to be honest.  Why?  For some reason, when all five of us are together, the noise level rises to extraordinary heights, threatening to drive me absolutely crazy, as each child struggles ('Competes') to be heard.  Again and again I sought to exert 'Control' over the experience with repeated, stern "bring it on down boys" and nothing seemed to change.  If anything, the boys just got louder.  I was about to explode with yelling when all at once, the familiar friend, 'Stop, Drop, and Be' took over.  I gained a few moments of perspective.  I simply sat back, stayed silent for several moments, and just observed the truly marvelous activity going on before me.  This is it.  How marvelous!  Our family all together, laughing, playing.  I had a choice to make.  I could get really mad, yell, and spoil the fun.  I could simply walk away and leave the family experience all together.  Or, I could try and simply accept, perhaps even welcome whole heartedly, the way things were going.  Fortunately for me, and honestly for our family fun, I chose the latter.  All of a sudden, as if miraculously, the loud voices weren't so loud.  Or, perhaps they never changed at all, rather I did.  A huge grin on my face.  "Well played son.  Who's ready for another round of Uno?" 

    

Why Not Smell the Roses?

When Kim and I were first married, for many years, I used to think buying her flowers was a waste of money.  After all, flowers die so quickly, particularly red roses, which she liked the most.  I never could understand why Kim wanted to be "surprised" with flowers of all things, particularly as she and I shared the belief that gifts of highest quality meant there would be something remaining after many years of time--like a ring, necklace, or watch perhaps--to reflect on and bring joyful memories to light.  Then one day, as I more and more began to turn my life more toward my wife than myself (trust me, I'm still inordinately selfish and self-absorbed with a very long way to go.  HA!), I began to get her what she wanted regardless.  If she wants red roses, red roses she gets.

Truth is there is something incredibly magical about roses, flowers in general, that speaks to the love they represent.  Flowers are something of incredible beauty and fragrance, and yet live for such an all too short time.  They are so fragile.  Just like us.  They make us smile.  They compel us to take care of them, to cherish them for as long as we are lucky enough to have them near us.  How lucky that we can care for them like we hopefully do one another.  We want them to last forever, but just like our loved ones, they in fact don't.  If we don't take care of them, they wilt and die much quicker than their potential.  Just like our relationships.  Flowers are symbolic of the love and compassion we know should be part of our lives' purpose, part of how we treat others, and yet how often do we consciously reflect on them, much less this?  So when she wants roses, why not take time to occasionally surprise her with some?  By the way, they are a gift for us as well, if we simply take notice.  Why not take time to really appreciate all that she and they bring?  Life is so fleeting.  Why not take time to smell the roses?

What Do You Choose?

One of the central themes behind Sail the Seven C's is the awesome power of choice each of us always has in front of us.  No matter what happens in life and no matter how much we might protest, we always have a choice in how we respond to life.  While we might wish it to be different, life rarely works out just like we want it to, and yet we might say who cares, since we can literally choose how we want to think about these things, what meaning to make of it all, what attitude to bring, even what to believe is true.

An example of this power of choice occurred when I drove with Kim across country, back to her parents' home for her last year in college.  Despite only having dated for three months, I could easily see myself spending the rest of my life with her if she would have me and yet there was an enormous, seemingly insurmountable challenge in front of us.  She grew up in a very religious home in which her faith was the very fabric of life for her and her family.  I on the other hand wasn't religious at all and despite months of study, found that I didn't believe a great deal of what she had been taught her entire life.  It was crazy for Kim to consider marrying a non-member.  I never imagined I would fall in love with a religious woman.  On the last night before arriving at her parents and saying goodbye, possibly forever and not wanting to leave anything unshared, I expressed all my love for her and my fear about our differing beliefs keeping us apart.  Her reply is still etched in my mind nineteen year later, "I will never let religion keep us from one another" she replied.  I knew right then she loved me as much as I did her.  I had to marry my one true love.  The obstacles and challenges we faced in the months, even years to follow were tremendous, complicated in large part by our family's efforts to 'compete, compare, control, criticize, complain, chase, and cling'.  Those details don't matter so much.  Yet we both kept coming back to the most powerful choice of all, that of love, over and over again, and that has proven to make all the difference.  We began to let go of our, and others', demands born of ego, of needing to be right, and knowing what's best.  Truth is in this one aspect of our life, we began to Sail the Seven C's together, despite the challenges we faced.

I often say that you could sum up all of life in just two words, Challenge; Choice.  Yet the bottom line is the challenge doesn't really matter all that much (heck we can't control the challenge anyway), only our choice matters, moment to moment, in the final analysis.  I know what choice Kim and I made.  So let me ask you, what do you choose to think about and focus your attention on when the challenges of life come your way?  Will it be the Seven C's or will it be principles born of love no matter what?

What's 50 Cents?

Kim was at the grocery store the other day and a young boy, maybe 10-12, was in the self check out line right in front of her.  She noted how he was disheveled, wearing ratty clothes and an old worn and torn coat.  She imagined he and his family probably didn't have much money.  He was trying to purchase a notebook, perhaps for school, and had just, painfully slow, put into the self-check system a few crumpled up dollar bills he pulled from his pocket.  He was 32 cents short and after announcing a few times that he didn't have enough, Kim took two quarters from her purse and offered it to him.  Without looking at Kim, without saying a thing, he took the 50 cents, loaded it into the machine and completing the transaction.  He grabbed his newly purchased notebook and the change that slowly rolled out of the dispenser and simply walked out of the store.  No look back, no thank you, no giving Kim back the 18 cents remaining.  He just walked away.

Later, Kim and I discussed how he showed such poor manners.  "How could he just take the 50 cents without even looking at me once, the person helping him out, much less saying thank you?"  I replied,  "Perhaps he was embarrassed to have to ask for more money?  I know I would have been.  Perhaps, his home life isn't so conducive to the manners we work so hard to instill in our own boys?  Perhaps, we will probably never know."

Regardless, we began to discuss how giving something to someone, the act of 'Being Kind and Compassionate', is not really giving if its wrapped up in all kinds of expectations about how someone should or shouldn't respond or when we expect something in return.  The important thing is, he got the notebook he needed so much more than we needed our 50 cents.  I wonder what things we can give today and do so anonymously?