"What Are You Doing With Your Time?"

Digital Detox is now over.  Yep, I'm back after all.  HA!  How did it go?  Well, to be honest, I'm not so sure how much of the virtual world I will actually add back into my life.  At first, there were some pains if you will, sharp desires to watch a show, surf the internet for something, or just check in on emails, but within the first few days or so, it was really quite easy to stay away, as the urges went away for the most part.

Many friends and colleagues would ask us, "What are you doing with your time?"  Well, that's the really cool and fascinating part.  Time really is relative.  It honestly felt like our day's were not just slightly, but significantly longer and fuller, far more than the actual few hours of time cut out from our virtual stimuli and entertainment.  It felt like we were really living life the way we were supposed to, more simply, content, and appreciative of everyone and everything around us.

We did do a lot of "just being" together, honestly not doing all that much really, or did we?  We did some reading.  We exercised more, went to bed earlier, and woke up more well-rested, and excited about what the new day might offer.  Now flexible and generous with our time, we talked together more as a couple and as a family about all kinds of things, demonstrating kindness and compassion around some of the life challenges we were facing.  We played family games, positive and playful, with numerous full-on belly laughs...you know the ones I'm talking about.  Much more than before, we began to see everyone and everything around us in a focused, genuine, and fully present way without so many virtual influences crying for our constant attention.  We were more accepting of others and life, feeling somewhat more at peace, at ease, and genuinely happy.  We even taught my youngest boy how to finally ride a bike.  Nice work Isaac!  It's amazing what happens when you have more time.  Heh...perhaps it won't be so hard to let go after all. 

Digital Detox, Here We Come!

I have to admit, one of the ways I can get caught up in 'Chasing' and consequently missing what's most important to me in life is getting wrapped up in the countless, growing virtual world of constant, 24/7 social media and digital entertainment.  What's new and exciting out there?  There is so much grabbing for our attention and focus via alerts from our myriad of devices.  So much to try and keep track of and stay on top of, that precious little time is left for anything else we might consider more important, like perhaps genuinely being present 100 % with one another for a real conversation, like the good old days when we weren't all digitally connected.  Our virtual intoxication has become so common and habitual that even when our electronic devices don't alert us directly, don't we often go looking our self, as if there is nothing else we might do with our time?  I wonder, have we already become a world of unconscious, "human doings" versus "human beings", unable to simply remain still and just be, without the external stimulus of virtual entertainment?  Can you even remember the time when none of this was around?  It wasn't that long ago.  How are we spending our time, that one precious resource that can never be replenished?

Kim and I have been talking...okay Kim has been talking for quite some time now...about trying out a little experiment, a "digital detox" if you will, to see what might happen if we avoid all screen time for just one week.  I know, crazy right!?  Well that digital detox begins right now.  Kim and I will have absolutely no screen time from home, except for at work of course where it is unfortunately a must today.  We will not venture onto the internet, read emails, look at any form of social media, and ban all TV and video games.  Yep, you heard that right.  No video games, well for me at least.  The kids can still play of course once school work is complete.  One thing at a time I suppose.

Truth be told, not sure what might happen with this little experiment, if anything at all?  We will let you know in one week what we discover.  Or perhaps we simply won't come back at all?  HA!  Who knows?  We invite anyone who wants to reach out to us, please do so the old fashioned way, via phone call or better yet, drop on by for a visit.  You may remember, we used to do those quite a bit more often way back when.  Everyone have a terrific week...or more.  We are going off the grid baby!  Digital detox, here we come! 

What's Your "Cucumber"?

A friend of ours recently purchased an awesome, four door truck with huge, oversized tires and a body lift.  Wow!  What a cool ride.  As I looked at the photo Kim shared, I thought about how much I love trucks.  Wouldn't it be cool to have one like this myself?  Suddenly I found myself not as enamored with my Toyota 4runner anymore.  Wait a second.  Didn't I think to myself just yesterday that this has been my absolute favorite vehicle I've ever owned, including two trucks previously?  What gives?  Why did I feel like I needed an awesome new truck?

Then Kim showed me the attached video her sister shared with her that brought into clear focus for me how 'comparing', and to some extent 'competing' and 'chasing', were starting to take hold of me.  Isn't that monkey funny?  Perhaps more funny, don't we all sometimes do like that monkey, suddenly no longer satisfied with our "cucumber", whatever it happens to be, compared to the "grape" the other monkey is getting?  Isn't it funny how often we are perfectly content and happy with what we have, almost always well beyond sufficient for our needs, only to see someone else with something "better" or "more" and suddenly think, what we have isn't good enough?  Hmmmn.  Time to practice being 'grateful and content' again today.  Guess my 4runner is still just as awesome as yesterday.  What's your "cucumber" today?  What's your "grape"?

Sai Ong's Horse

There once was an elderly frontiersman--Sai Ong as he was known--in ancient China who made his living largely by the single horse that he owned.  One day, the horse got lose from the stable and ran off.  Sai Ong was unable to find him.  When the local villagers heard of this, they came to share their concerns and sympathy for Sai Ong.  "What a tragedy.  However will you get by now?"  Sai Ong replied calmly and seemingly unaffected, "Maybe yes, maybe no.  How do we know this is not a blessing in disguise?" 

Weeks later, Sai Ong's horse returned with another wild horse from the plains.  Suddenly, Sai Ong was twice as fortunate as before.  The villagers came, "Sai Ong, you are so lucky!"  He replied, "Maybe yes, maybe no.  How do we know if this doesn't prove a misfortune?"  The villagers looked on in bewilderment.

A few days later, Sai Ong's son went about training the new horse and was thrown, breaking his leg.  The villagers came to say, "Oh no, Sai Ong!  This is awful.  Who will work with you now?"  Again as before, Sai Ong replied, "Maybe yes, maybe no.  How do we know this is not a blessing in disguise?"  The villagers couldn't believe what they heard.

A few months later, China went to war with the barbarians beyond the Great Wall and the overwhelming majority of men who fought died.  Sai Ong's son was sparred this fate, unable to fight with his broken leg. While most families lost their men of fighting age, Sai Ong did not.   

Doesn't life throw challenges our way that at first seem terrible, but in time, most somehow prove otherwise?  Rolling with the punches and sailing the seven C's can be so challenging when things are at their worst.  Yet, perhaps everything does really happen for a good reason?  Maybe yes, maybe no.  In our worry, anxiety, even anger, can we somehow see the wonderful possibilities yet to be discovered in this wonderful life?  Doesn't every dark cloud hold a silver lining?  Can we see how even seeming misfortune will soon prove a fortune once again?  Can we remember the story of Sai Ong's horse?

Will This Matter 100 Years from Now?

I heard a story the other day about a man who accidentally ran into another man’s expensive sports car.  The man with the sport’s car got out of his damaged vehicle absolutely beside himself, yelling and screaming at the other driver over the mistake and how he ruined his beloved car.  Feeling very bad about the unfortunate mistake, the first man didn’t react to the continuous verbal assault with anything other than calm compassion and apologies.  “I’m so sorry”.  He thought to himself, “I didn’t do it on purpose.”  After much ranting and raving, the belligerent man cooled down considerably, though still very upset.  Isn’t it difficult to keep yelling at someone if they aren’t yelling back, fueling the fire? 

I wonder if the seemingly unfortunate accident, not done on purpose, could really be a gift in disguise if recognized and accepted it as such.  It’s crazy our Clinging to things, where we can wrap up our whole identity with this or that.  Is it possible that the man with the sports car felt somehow diminished himself by the damage his car received?  Whatever we happen to be Clinging to, perhaps it’s our looks, age, or physical health, isn’t it possible that wrapping up our identity, sense of worth, and value in anything other than our internal, timeless self is a recipe for disaster, at very least anxiety and stress, as nothing in this world is ever permanent?  Ask yourself in the heat of your or someone else’s anxiety, stress, or even anger, will any of this matter 100 years from now?  Heck, for that matter, will it even matter one year from now?  Always consider the bigger, longer term perspective on things.  What’s truly important this very moment, whatever happens to be going on?  Are you present, aware, or out of your mind?  Can you still appreciate all life has to offer in the moment of chaos?  I know, easier said than done, right?

"Giving for Absolutely No Reason At All"

A few weeks ago Kim, Isaac, and I, short on time, were in the side-by-side drive through line at Chick-fil-A picking up some lunch.  You could hear the lady next to us ordering simultaneously.  I finished ordering and lurched forward, intent on necking down to the single lane for pickup just as the lady next to us did the same.  As both of us immediately stopped, I looked over and the lady smiled, waiving me forward.  I did similarly, "No, please".  "Thank you," she said and moved ahead of us.

Up ahead at the register, we prepared to pay.  "The customer in front already paid for you, sir".  "Really," I asked?  "Yes sir, have a nice day."  I looked forward, hoping to see the car that had just been in front of us in line to somehow say thank you.  I looked backward.  No one in line behind us.  Kim and I looked at each other.  I guess giving for no reason isn't dead after all.  We smiled.  Time for me to do likewise.  How have you given to someone today for absolutely no reason at all?

"My Chair!?"

For several years I've been 'Chasing' the "perfect" leather recliner, where I can just sit and be, completely comfortable, reading, napping, visiting, or watching TV.  Picky as I can be though, finding that chair has proven elusive.  I wanted a chair I could keep for a lifetime and finally Kim thought she had found it online for my birthday this year, meeting every single one of my, and her, many requirements.  As we waited anxiously for several weeks, I routinely teased her playfully, moaning, "My chair!?" Every time she looked at me with those sweet eyes, "It's coming".  The chair finally arrived.  We unpacked and assembled it, our excitement growing.  I sat down..."Hmmm...it doesn't rock?" "What?!"  Kim was clearly annoyed.  The company sent the wrong chair.  To add to our dismay, the one advertised on the website didn't even exist, a mistake on their website.  My desire at 'Controlling' the circumstances set in, only to realize the futility.  "Maybe I'm not supposed to have an easy chair", I said, 'Accepting' the situation.  I bellowed out, "My chair!?"  My effort to 'Be Playful' wasn't getting Kim to smile. 

More diligent than ever, we began our search, store after store, until finally we found the chair of chairs, perfect in every way.  We ordered it in the color we wanted and three weeks later it finally arrived.  After assembly and the excitement in believing we finally had it, I noticed to my dismay a large, 4 inch gash in the leather on the top of the chair.  Once more I bellowed, "My chair!?" 

All of a sudden it dawned on me the ridiculousness of my efforts at 'Controlling' my circumstances and 'Chasing' that perfect chair.  Of course we could call the company to make it right (we did and they are), but regardless, it would be perfect just like it is.  After all, I'm 'Complaining' over an easy chair for heavens sake, when countless millions across our planet don't have a home to live in, much less a chair to sit on.  Are you kidding me.  How comfortable does my behind have to be?  'Be Grateful and Content', I reminded myself.  And then the irony set in.  As I sat for many minutes thoroughly enjoying that first sit in my new chair, I looked over at Kim on our couch, where we used to sit together side by side so often.  All at once I realized the folly in my thinking.  I missed sitting next to my best friend, my soul mate.  Six feet was just too far away, despite how comfortable the chair.  "You mind if I come join you babe?"  A big grin came to her face, "Sure".  Maybe I should have ordered a chair for two. 

An Example of Kindness and Generosity

Kim and I received a wonderful surprise a few days ago in a call from the well known author Ken Blanchard.  He shared words of encouragement for our efforts around Sail the Seven C's after reviewing some information our friend Robin proactively shared with him.  As we talked together about the C's and counter principles born of Love that help us to be our best selves, it occurred to me that Ken's reaching out to us was a perfect example of the 'Kindness' and 'Generosity' we often speak about.  We talked about the challenges of overcoming ego and along those lines, he shared that in so many ways it comes down to overcoming the 'Love of Power' by embracing the 'Power of Love'.  We very much like this sentiment.  After all, what else could it all be about if not this most important principle and its many manifestations. Thank you Ken and Robin for being you!  

Time to Do Those Dishes

Now eight days after Kim's toe surgery, to say it has been painful for her, now flat on her back, is a huge understatement.  She is tough as nails and I've seen tears several times, despite the pain meds.  I've also found myself frustrated time and again at my inability to do less than half of what she was doing before the surgery, while working and taking care of her and our boys.  Slipping into 'Complaining', sometimes even out loud, it's remarkable how little Kim complains about any of it, including me.  Yet I struggle to remain 'Positive and Playful' about everything now on my plate.  I know, selfish, right? 

Kim shared this quote with me, "pain is inevitable, suffering is optional", something I'd read many times before in years past.  Funny how in the midst of life's chaos, it can be challenging to embrace wisdom like this.  She asked me what I thought it meant, while herself wincing in pain.  It didn't occur to me she might be telling me something.  Seeing a possible opportunity to help her, I began to explain that her pain, in fact anything we don't like, really offers a choice in how to take it and that her suffering was indeed optional.  It all has to do with how she chooses to see it.  I went on to urge her to try stepping fully into her pain, relishing the wonderful awareness and presence to life it allowed her without much effort at all.  I know, dumb move right? "Let me cut open your toe, saw down the bone, move the joint, put in a couple of screws and stitch you back up and offer the same wise words," she said.  I left off the expletives of course.  HA!

Come to think of it, guess I should take to heart this wisdom she just shared with me and stop 'Complaining' so much about my temporary state of affairs.  After all, I get the chance to take care of my wife who does the same for me and our boys every other day of her life, 24/7.  "Salad coming right up babe."  Now, time to do those dishes.

The Porcupine's Dilemma

Have you ever heard of the Porcupine's Dilemma?  When porcupines get cold in the winter, they try to get closer to one another to share body heat and stay warm.  Unfortunately, when they get too close to each other, they hit each others' quills and in pain, recoil from one another until the cold compels them once again to try and get closer to each other.

Isn't this kind of how people interact with one another every day?  We crave intimacy and love with our significant other, our family and friends, only to encounter their 'quills', as they respond with one or more of the C's, perhaps 'Complaining, Criticizing, Competing, and Controlling' words and behaviors.  Unconsciously we react similarly, repelling one another until the cold of being alone and distant from those we love and care about forces us once again to try and come closer again, or alternatively look to other porcupines with quills that we hope are less sharp. 

Kim and I have found it interesting that as we age in our relationship and continue to brave each others' pricks of pain, our 'quills' have started to dull some, our skins have gotten thicker and we find it a bit easier these days to--'Be Positive, Playful, Kind, Compassionate, Flexible, Generous, and Accepting'--stay close to one another longer for that much needed love and warmth.  I wonder if porcupines do similarly as they grow old?  Wouldn't that be really cool?  How dull are your quills these days?