Rolling Over a Rolly Polly

Did you ever play around with those little rolly-polly bugs as a kid? I used to love how they would roll up in a ball for protection when touched to then, after some time, uncurl and off they would go.  Unlike some bugs, you could let them crawl all over you without a worry in the world. 

Toward the end of last week, while briskly pulling a cart full of training materials, I saw one slowly crawling across my path directly in front of me.  In one brief second I thought, "is it possible that I might run over this doodle bug with the cart I'm pulling?"  Instead of stopping to be sure I avoided this possibility, I simply kept going in my rush, looking back just as the cart's wheels accidently crushed the rolly-polly.  "Shoot!"  Why didn't I simply pause from my hurried pace to be more careful and considerate?  Yes, careful and considerate of a rolly-polly.  Despite how you feel about these awesome little guys, don't we often get so busy doing and moving about here and there, that we fail to do what we our self would honestly acknowledge we would rather do...like pause for a rolly-polly for instance?  I know, it's just a rolly-polly Preston.  Yet I wonder if we almost unconsciously treat our fellow human beings just like the rolly-polly, when all we have to do is wake up from our sleep walking, slow down, and just be present and aware to the life around us.  After all, why are we in such a hurry anyway?  The rolly-polly isn't...then again, look what happened to the slow, rolly-polly.  HA!

Is it better to be an optimist or a pessimist?

This is Kim.....I wonder, could the answer to the question, optimist or pessimist be neither?  Think about it.  The optimist sees the glass half full, while the pessimist sees the glass half empty.  Essentially, an optimist is likely positive in expectation about the future and a pessimist is likely negative in expectation about the future.  Common to both is thinking about the unknown future.  Is either then in the present moment?   

Preston and I were 'competing' with one another just last night, having a lengthy debate about this very topic and its relationship to happiness and best outcomes in life.  Our oldest, Caleb, was stressing over a math quiz the next day, telling us he just felt it in his gut that despite doing his best to study and prepare, he wasn't going to do well.  Preston offered that if he chose to think that way already, this would negatively impact the likely result.  He argued that if you say you won't do well, guess what, you won't.  Why not consider choosing to embrace a different mindset, where thinking positively about his ability to do well on the quiz would increase the likelihood that Caleb's outcome would turn out positive?  I argued that it was best to be a happy pessimist, because they imagine all the things that could possibly go wrong and when they turn out right, or at very least better than expected, they are pleasantly surprised.  I wondered if the optimist is constantly let down, because things never go as well as imagined?  We looked up all kinds of research to support both points of view before realizing that the danger for both optimists and pessimists were being wrapped up in the future and not present. 

I wonder, instead of seeing the glass half full as an optimist, or half empty as a pessimist, why not consider that the glass "just is"?  Why be worried at all about what the future holds?  Why not simply choose to be "Nowist"!?  The present moment is all we can be sure of anyway. 

Some Good Old Fashioned Bread Pudding

I got a rock chip in my wind shield last week and went to a glass shop in a nearby city to get it fixed.  While there, Kim, Isaac, and I met an absolutely wonderful lady.  Immediately, she revealed her kind, loving presence with her smile and heartfelt greeting to everyone.  You could just tell in every possible way this was a genuinely good person.  She was picking up her favorite cooking dish, now empty, that she had loaned to the people of the glass shop, having provided them with her old fashioned bread pudding a few days prior.  I thought that she must have someone in her family or a dear friend that works here for her to have gone to so much trouble.  After all, old fashioned bread pudding takes meticulous preparation and time to make.  The repair to our windshield was soon done and we all left about the same time, saying warm goodbyes and well wishes.  Kim and I discussed how nice it was to have encountered such a lovely lady and wondered what caused her to make such a kind gesture of making her bread pudding for the people working at the glass shop.

The very next day, while taking a long walk around town, we got our chance to find out.  Kim spotted the very same lady driving down main street, turning into a local store.  Oh my goodness, what were the chances of seeing the same lady in our town?  We both turned and walked back to the store to say hello, struck by the coincidental nature of seeing her again.  Realizing we weren't actually headed into the store, she exclaimed, "You came over just to say hi to me?  I could just hug you both."  We chatted for some time, learning a bit more about each other, our families, and asking her about the various ways she gave her time, talents, and money to those in need.

Curious, I decided to ask her about the bread pudding and who she knew that worked at the glass shop.  Turned out, she didn't really know anyone in particular.  The glass shop had provided her an estimate on fixing some windows and repaired a glass pitcher she needed to skim the milk for making her bread pudding, all free of charge.  Yep, that's right.  I know, hard to believe, right.  Free of charge.  She shared that she absolutely had to cook for them all the very pudding she was then able to make, because of their generous help.  Kim commented, "Wow, you don't really find kindness like that too often anymore."  She responded immediately, "I know, they really were so very nice to me."  We said our goodbyes and Kim and I later talked about how remarkable she was.  How she automatically interpreted Kim's compliment, meant for her, as being intended for the people at the glass shop.  Is it possible that this kindest of ladies was so humble, so constantly focused on helping and giving to others, that she rarely thought about her own needs at all?  I think the answer is definitely yes, and she was clearly happy for it.  Hmmmmm....what old fashioned bread pudding can I give someone today?

"What Are You Doing With Your Time?"

Digital Detox is now over.  Yep, I'm back after all.  HA!  How did it go?  Well, to be honest, I'm not so sure how much of the virtual world I will actually add back into my life.  At first, there were some pains if you will, sharp desires to watch a show, surf the internet for something, or just check in on emails, but within the first few days or so, it was really quite easy to stay away, as the urges went away for the most part.

Many friends and colleagues would ask us, "What are you doing with your time?"  Well, that's the really cool and fascinating part.  Time really is relative.  It honestly felt like our day's were not just slightly, but significantly longer and fuller, far more than the actual few hours of time cut out from our virtual stimuli and entertainment.  It felt like we were really living life the way we were supposed to, more simply, content, and appreciative of everyone and everything around us.

We did do a lot of "just being" together, honestly not doing all that much really, or did we?  We did some reading.  We exercised more, went to bed earlier, and woke up more well-rested, and excited about what the new day might offer.  Now flexible and generous with our time, we talked together more as a couple and as a family about all kinds of things, demonstrating kindness and compassion around some of the life challenges we were facing.  We played family games, positive and playful, with numerous full-on belly laughs...you know the ones I'm talking about.  Much more than before, we began to see everyone and everything around us in a focused, genuine, and fully present way without so many virtual influences crying for our constant attention.  We were more accepting of others and life, feeling somewhat more at peace, at ease, and genuinely happy.  We even taught my youngest boy how to finally ride a bike.  Nice work Isaac!  It's amazing what happens when you have more time.  Heh...perhaps it won't be so hard to let go after all. 

Digital Detox, Here We Come!

I have to admit, one of the ways I can get caught up in 'Chasing' and consequently missing what's most important to me in life is getting wrapped up in the countless, growing virtual world of constant, 24/7 social media and digital entertainment.  What's new and exciting out there?  There is so much grabbing for our attention and focus via alerts from our myriad of devices.  So much to try and keep track of and stay on top of, that precious little time is left for anything else we might consider more important, like perhaps genuinely being present 100 % with one another for a real conversation, like the good old days when we weren't all digitally connected.  Our virtual intoxication has become so common and habitual that even when our electronic devices don't alert us directly, don't we often go looking our self, as if there is nothing else we might do with our time?  I wonder, have we already become a world of unconscious, "human doings" versus "human beings", unable to simply remain still and just be, without the external stimulus of virtual entertainment?  Can you even remember the time when none of this was around?  It wasn't that long ago.  How are we spending our time, that one precious resource that can never be replenished?

Kim and I have been talking...okay Kim has been talking for quite some time now...about trying out a little experiment, a "digital detox" if you will, to see what might happen if we avoid all screen time for just one week.  I know, crazy right!?  Well that digital detox begins right now.  Kim and I will have absolutely no screen time from home, except for at work of course where it is unfortunately a must today.  We will not venture onto the internet, read emails, look at any form of social media, and ban all TV and video games.  Yep, you heard that right.  No video games, well for me at least.  The kids can still play of course once school work is complete.  One thing at a time I suppose.

Truth be told, not sure what might happen with this little experiment, if anything at all?  We will let you know in one week what we discover.  Or perhaps we simply won't come back at all?  HA!  Who knows?  We invite anyone who wants to reach out to us, please do so the old fashioned way, via phone call or better yet, drop on by for a visit.  You may remember, we used to do those quite a bit more often way back when.  Everyone have a terrific week...or more.  We are going off the grid baby!  Digital detox, here we come! 

What's Your "Cucumber"?

A friend of ours recently purchased an awesome, four door truck with huge, oversized tires and a body lift.  Wow!  What a cool ride.  As I looked at the photo Kim shared, I thought about how much I love trucks.  Wouldn't it be cool to have one like this myself?  Suddenly I found myself not as enamored with my Toyota 4runner anymore.  Wait a second.  Didn't I think to myself just yesterday that this has been my absolute favorite vehicle I've ever owned, including two trucks previously?  What gives?  Why did I feel like I needed an awesome new truck?

Then Kim showed me the attached video her sister shared with her that brought into clear focus for me how 'comparing', and to some extent 'competing' and 'chasing', were starting to take hold of me.  Isn't that monkey funny?  Perhaps more funny, don't we all sometimes do like that monkey, suddenly no longer satisfied with our "cucumber", whatever it happens to be, compared to the "grape" the other monkey is getting?  Isn't it funny how often we are perfectly content and happy with what we have, almost always well beyond sufficient for our needs, only to see someone else with something "better" or "more" and suddenly think, what we have isn't good enough?  Hmmmn.  Time to practice being 'grateful and content' again today.  Guess my 4runner is still just as awesome as yesterday.  What's your "cucumber" today?  What's your "grape"?

Sai Ong's Horse

There once was an elderly frontiersman--Sai Ong as he was known--in ancient China who made his living largely by the single horse that he owned.  One day, the horse got lose from the stable and ran off.  Sai Ong was unable to find him.  When the local villagers heard of this, they came to share their concerns and sympathy for Sai Ong.  "What a tragedy.  However will you get by now?"  Sai Ong replied calmly and seemingly unaffected, "Maybe yes, maybe no.  How do we know this is not a blessing in disguise?" 

Weeks later, Sai Ong's horse returned with another wild horse from the plains.  Suddenly, Sai Ong was twice as fortunate as before.  The villagers came, "Sai Ong, you are so lucky!"  He replied, "Maybe yes, maybe no.  How do we know if this doesn't prove a misfortune?"  The villagers looked on in bewilderment.

A few days later, Sai Ong's son went about training the new horse and was thrown, breaking his leg.  The villagers came to say, "Oh no, Sai Ong!  This is awful.  Who will work with you now?"  Again as before, Sai Ong replied, "Maybe yes, maybe no.  How do we know this is not a blessing in disguise?"  The villagers couldn't believe what they heard.

A few months later, China went to war with the barbarians beyond the Great Wall and the overwhelming majority of men who fought died.  Sai Ong's son was sparred this fate, unable to fight with his broken leg. While most families lost their men of fighting age, Sai Ong did not.   

Doesn't life throw challenges our way that at first seem terrible, but in time, most somehow prove otherwise?  Rolling with the punches and sailing the seven C's can be so challenging when things are at their worst.  Yet, perhaps everything does really happen for a good reason?  Maybe yes, maybe no.  In our worry, anxiety, even anger, can we somehow see the wonderful possibilities yet to be discovered in this wonderful life?  Doesn't every dark cloud hold a silver lining?  Can we see how even seeming misfortune will soon prove a fortune once again?  Can we remember the story of Sai Ong's horse?

Will This Matter 100 Years from Now?

I heard a story the other day about a man who accidentally ran into another man’s expensive sports car.  The man with the sport’s car got out of his damaged vehicle absolutely beside himself, yelling and screaming at the other driver over the mistake and how he ruined his beloved car.  Feeling very bad about the unfortunate mistake, the first man didn’t react to the continuous verbal assault with anything other than calm compassion and apologies.  “I’m so sorry”.  He thought to himself, “I didn’t do it on purpose.”  After much ranting and raving, the belligerent man cooled down considerably, though still very upset.  Isn’t it difficult to keep yelling at someone if they aren’t yelling back, fueling the fire? 

I wonder if the seemingly unfortunate accident, not done on purpose, could really be a gift in disguise if recognized and accepted it as such.  It’s crazy our Clinging to things, where we can wrap up our whole identity with this or that.  Is it possible that the man with the sports car felt somehow diminished himself by the damage his car received?  Whatever we happen to be Clinging to, perhaps it’s our looks, age, or physical health, isn’t it possible that wrapping up our identity, sense of worth, and value in anything other than our internal, timeless self is a recipe for disaster, at very least anxiety and stress, as nothing in this world is ever permanent?  Ask yourself in the heat of your or someone else’s anxiety, stress, or even anger, will any of this matter 100 years from now?  Heck, for that matter, will it even matter one year from now?  Always consider the bigger, longer term perspective on things.  What’s truly important this very moment, whatever happens to be going on?  Are you present, aware, or out of your mind?  Can you still appreciate all life has to offer in the moment of chaos?  I know, easier said than done, right?

"Giving for Absolutely No Reason At All"

A few weeks ago Kim, Isaac, and I, short on time, were in the side-by-side drive through line at Chick-fil-A picking up some lunch.  You could hear the lady next to us ordering simultaneously.  I finished ordering and lurched forward, intent on necking down to the single lane for pickup just as the lady next to us did the same.  As both of us immediately stopped, I looked over and the lady smiled, waiving me forward.  I did similarly, "No, please".  "Thank you," she said and moved ahead of us.

Up ahead at the register, we prepared to pay.  "The customer in front already paid for you, sir".  "Really," I asked?  "Yes sir, have a nice day."  I looked forward, hoping to see the car that had just been in front of us in line to somehow say thank you.  I looked backward.  No one in line behind us.  Kim and I looked at each other.  I guess giving for no reason isn't dead after all.  We smiled.  Time for me to do likewise.  How have you given to someone today for absolutely no reason at all?

"My Chair!?"

For several years I've been 'Chasing' the "perfect" leather recliner, where I can just sit and be, completely comfortable, reading, napping, visiting, or watching TV.  Picky as I can be though, finding that chair has proven elusive.  I wanted a chair I could keep for a lifetime and finally Kim thought she had found it online for my birthday this year, meeting every single one of my, and her, many requirements.  As we waited anxiously for several weeks, I routinely teased her playfully, moaning, "My chair!?" Every time she looked at me with those sweet eyes, "It's coming".  The chair finally arrived.  We unpacked and assembled it, our excitement growing.  I sat down..."Hmmm...it doesn't rock?" "What?!"  Kim was clearly annoyed.  The company sent the wrong chair.  To add to our dismay, the one advertised on the website didn't even exist, a mistake on their website.  My desire at 'Controlling' the circumstances set in, only to realize the futility.  "Maybe I'm not supposed to have an easy chair", I said, 'Accepting' the situation.  I bellowed out, "My chair!?"  My effort to 'Be Playful' wasn't getting Kim to smile. 

More diligent than ever, we began our search, store after store, until finally we found the chair of chairs, perfect in every way.  We ordered it in the color we wanted and three weeks later it finally arrived.  After assembly and the excitement in believing we finally had it, I noticed to my dismay a large, 4 inch gash in the leather on the top of the chair.  Once more I bellowed, "My chair!?" 

All of a sudden it dawned on me the ridiculousness of my efforts at 'Controlling' my circumstances and 'Chasing' that perfect chair.  Of course we could call the company to make it right (we did and they are), but regardless, it would be perfect just like it is.  After all, I'm 'Complaining' over an easy chair for heavens sake, when countless millions across our planet don't have a home to live in, much less a chair to sit on.  Are you kidding me.  How comfortable does my behind have to be?  'Be Grateful and Content', I reminded myself.  And then the irony set in.  As I sat for many minutes thoroughly enjoying that first sit in my new chair, I looked over at Kim on our couch, where we used to sit together side by side so often.  All at once I realized the folly in my thinking.  I missed sitting next to my best friend, my soul mate.  Six feet was just too far away, despite how comfortable the chair.  "You mind if I come join you babe?"  A big grin came to her face, "Sure".  Maybe I should have ordered a chair for two.