Overcoming Our Fears

Kim and I got into hiking during our first few years of marriage.  On one hike, the Billy Goat A trail on the Maryland side of Great Falls National Park, we encountered a significant scramble up the side of a cliff face, relatively safe for most, unless you might have a particular phobia of heights like Kim does.  Some distance up the cliff face, she froze in panic, and fortunately after some significant time and help from others hikers, we were able to coach her up and off.  She swore she would never return to do Billy Goat A...until yesterday.

That's right.  We...okay I...decided to provide Kim a chance to overcome her fear of heights, at least with respect to Billy Goat A.  Good husband, right?  We hit the trail and when we got to the base of the particular point where Kim froze last time, she asked if this was it.  I fibbed and told her no...kind of true as the place she froze the first time was half way up the cliff...and up I went, encouraging her to follow.  I quickly arrived at a reasonable stopping point about 3/4 of the way up to wait for her.  Looking back for the first time, I noticed she wasn't too far behind me and past the place where she froze previously.  Encouraging her to take the easiest path up the side of the cliff face and focus on the ground in front of her, I waited.  As she got further up, she began to slow and made the mistake of looking down and then up toward me.  Panic began to take hold.  Still she climbed, albeit even slower on her hands and knees.  As she made her way closer to me, I climbed the ledge above, arguably the most challenging part of the cliff face, preparing to help her up.  She refused my hand, trying to navigate herself over the ledge I was on...and then, straddling the rock ledge with one leg over and one leg below, she froze!  Uh oh...here we go again!

Now, I will be honest.  There is absolutely no way she was going to fall more than a few feet from this location, no matter what happened.  Yet, as I sat there wondering how I would get her off that ledge, it occurred to me that I had a huge fear myself.  The fear of losing her at some point in our future.  No matter how well I Sail the Seven C's, I still find it impossible to stop clinging to the belief that my happiness depends on her being in my life.

I knew in my gut, Kim had what it takes to get up and over the ledge.  I offered my arm which she felt unable to risk taking.  I said encouraging words, just as hikers below came around the trail, looking up at our frozen challenge.  Kim had to choose to do it herself, just like all of us, if we want to face and overcome our fears.  We want so much to keep everything in our life safe, controlling the world and everyone around us.  The truth is, we control very little at all, perhaps only our own choices in the final analysis. 

Finally, Kim began to make her move, inching slowly, still hugging the ledge tightly and finally over the top she came, knees, legs, and arms a bit worse for wear.  She was never in any real danger, though her mind insisted that she was.  "Nice work, Babe!"  She looked a bit embarrassed.  Off I went a bit further up to the top and she slowly followed.  "You did it!  You overcame your fear."  She was clearly relieved to be off the cliff face, but at the same time proud of her accomplishment.  To someone with no fear of heights, it might seem like no big deal.  To her and to me, it was simply huge and shows what we are all made of, if we simply choose to push our self outside our comfort zone.  I asked, "Will you ever come back?"  She answered, "Sure, but I will take the long path around the cliff face."  We laughed and continued on with our hike.

What's the Weather Like for You Today?

Doesn't it sometimes seem like the challenges of the day are far more than they should be?  An even more important question is what choices we will make in responding to the challenges.  Along these lines, there is a beautiful concept explored by the late Dr. Stephen Covey in his book, The Seven Habits of Highly Effective People.  Read this book.  You won't be sorry.  On a day like today, completely overcast with zero sun and raining heavily, it's easy for us to get down, moody, even depressed.  Covey suggests that we have the power within us to literally choose our weather, regardless of the real weather around us.  We can choose our attitude and mindset.  It's as if it is bright and sunny outside, despite what nature throws our way on a given day.

As crazy as it seems and as seemingly impossible as it might seem during the worst of times, I believe it is not only possible to do this on a gloomy, rainy day, it's possible to do this no matter what crazy challenges life throws at us.  Today, choosing my weather proved rather easy.  What's the weather like for you today?

Choosing to Ride the Roller Coaster of Life

I was lucky to see the author Brene Brown speak recently on Courage and Vulnerability.  I highly recommend you check out her TED talks.  I absolutely loved how she was positive and playful, artfully weaving self deprecating humor into her message.  She shared that courage means being vulnerable and being vulnerable requires one to risk, face uncertainty, and be emotionally exposed.  Wow!  That sounds scary, huh?  Who would want that, right?  Well...

...this got me thinking about the possible relationship between what Brene Brown shared and Sail the Seven C's.  A few months ago, a friend of ours, very familiar with Brene Brown's work, pointed to such a connection in the stories we shared during one of our Seven C's workshops together.  Don't our egos try hard to keep us away from being vulnerable with others in order to avoid the inevitable pain that comes with human connections?  Don't we fear what others might think of, or heaven forbid say to us, forgetting that our infinite value, every one of us, doesn't depend one bit on others' perceptions of us?  Our ego's fear and desire ultimately manifest as Competing, Comparing, Chasing, Controlling, Complaining, Criticizing, and Clinging in order to, we hope, keep out the pains of life.  The irony is that in failing to Sail the Seven C's, we don't avoid inevitable pain at all, rather we create additional pain for our self.  More importantly, we inadvertently keep out and miss out on the very thing we all crave, unconditional love and genuine happiness.

It's kind of like being at an amusement park, poised to ride that wild, crazy roller coaster called life.  If we choose to Sail the Seven C's, embracing fully our nature to love one another despite the pain we will certainly encounter, we choose to get on the ride, however scared we might be, and experience ALL of it, the extreme ups as well as downs of our one precious, exhilarating life.  I know what choice I want to make.  How about you?