Overcoming Our Fears

Kim and I got into hiking during our first few years of marriage.  On one hike, the Billy Goat A trail on the Maryland side of Great Falls National Park, we encountered a significant scramble up the side of a cliff face, relatively safe for most, unless you might have a particular phobia of heights like Kim does.  Some distance up the cliff face, she froze in panic, and fortunately after some significant time and help from others hikers, we were able to coach her up and off.  She swore she would never return to do Billy Goat A...until yesterday.

That's right.  We...okay I...decided to provide Kim a chance to overcome her fear of heights, at least with respect to Billy Goat A.  Good husband, right?  We hit the trail and when we got to the base of the particular point where Kim froze last time, she asked if this was it.  I fibbed and told her no...kind of true as the place she froze the first time was half way up the cliff...and up I went, encouraging her to follow.  I quickly arrived at a reasonable stopping point about 3/4 of the way up to wait for her.  Looking back for the first time, I noticed she wasn't too far behind me and past the place where she froze previously.  Encouraging her to take the easiest path up the side of the cliff face and focus on the ground in front of her, I waited.  As she got further up, she began to slow and made the mistake of looking down and then up toward me.  Panic began to take hold.  Still she climbed, albeit even slower on her hands and knees.  As she made her way closer to me, I climbed the ledge above, arguably the most challenging part of the cliff face, preparing to help her up.  She refused my hand, trying to navigate herself over the ledge I was on...and then, straddling the rock ledge with one leg over and one leg below, she froze!  Uh oh...here we go again!

Now, I will be honest.  There is absolutely no way she was going to fall more than a few feet from this location, no matter what happened.  Yet, as I sat there wondering how I would get her off that ledge, it occurred to me that I had a huge fear myself.  The fear of losing her at some point in our future.  No matter how well I Sail the Seven C's, I still find it impossible to stop clinging to the belief that my happiness depends on her being in my life.

I knew in my gut, Kim had what it takes to get up and over the ledge.  I offered my arm which she felt unable to risk taking.  I said encouraging words, just as hikers below came around the trail, looking up at our frozen challenge.  Kim had to choose to do it herself, just like all of us, if we want to face and overcome our fears.  We want so much to keep everything in our life safe, controlling the world and everyone around us.  The truth is, we control very little at all, perhaps only our own choices in the final analysis. 

Finally, Kim began to make her move, inching slowly, still hugging the ledge tightly and finally over the top she came, knees, legs, and arms a bit worse for wear.  She was never in any real danger, though her mind insisted that she was.  "Nice work, Babe!"  She looked a bit embarrassed.  Off I went a bit further up to the top and she slowly followed.  "You did it!  You overcame your fear."  She was clearly relieved to be off the cliff face, but at the same time proud of her accomplishment.  To someone with no fear of heights, it might seem like no big deal.  To her and to me, it was simply huge and shows what we are all made of, if we simply choose to push our self outside our comfort zone.  I asked, "Will you ever come back?"  She answered, "Sure, but I will take the long path around the cliff face."  We laughed and continued on with our hike.