Will This Matter 100 Years from Now?

I heard a story the other day about a man who accidentally ran into another man’s expensive sports car.  The man with the sport’s car got out of his damaged vehicle absolutely beside himself, yelling and screaming at the other driver over the mistake and how he ruined his beloved car.  Feeling very bad about the unfortunate mistake, the first man didn’t react to the continuous verbal assault with anything other than calm compassion and apologies.  “I’m so sorry”.  He thought to himself, “I didn’t do it on purpose.”  After much ranting and raving, the belligerent man cooled down considerably, though still very upset.  Isn’t it difficult to keep yelling at someone if they aren’t yelling back, fueling the fire? 

I wonder if the seemingly unfortunate accident, not done on purpose, could really be a gift in disguise if recognized and accepted it as such.  It’s crazy our Clinging to things, where we can wrap up our whole identity with this or that.  Is it possible that the man with the sports car felt somehow diminished himself by the damage his car received?  Whatever we happen to be Clinging to, perhaps it’s our looks, age, or physical health, isn’t it possible that wrapping up our identity, sense of worth, and value in anything other than our internal, timeless self is a recipe for disaster, at very least anxiety and stress, as nothing in this world is ever permanent?  Ask yourself in the heat of your or someone else’s anxiety, stress, or even anger, will any of this matter 100 years from now?  Heck, for that matter, will it even matter one year from now?  Always consider the bigger, longer term perspective on things.  What’s truly important this very moment, whatever happens to be going on?  Are you present, aware, or out of your mind?  Can you still appreciate all life has to offer in the moment of chaos?  I know, easier said than done, right?

"Giving for Absolutely No Reason At All"

A few weeks ago Kim, Isaac, and I, short on time, were in the side-by-side drive through line at Chick-fil-A picking up some lunch.  You could hear the lady next to us ordering simultaneously.  I finished ordering and lurched forward, intent on necking down to the single lane for pickup just as the lady next to us did the same.  As both of us immediately stopped, I looked over and the lady smiled, waiving me forward.  I did similarly, "No, please".  "Thank you," she said and moved ahead of us.

Up ahead at the register, we prepared to pay.  "The customer in front already paid for you, sir".  "Really," I asked?  "Yes sir, have a nice day."  I looked forward, hoping to see the car that had just been in front of us in line to somehow say thank you.  I looked backward.  No one in line behind us.  Kim and I looked at each other.  I guess giving for no reason isn't dead after all.  We smiled.  Time for me to do likewise.  How have you given to someone today for absolutely no reason at all?

"My Chair!?"

For several years I've been 'Chasing' the "perfect" leather recliner, where I can just sit and be, completely comfortable, reading, napping, visiting, or watching TV.  Picky as I can be though, finding that chair has proven elusive.  I wanted a chair I could keep for a lifetime and finally Kim thought she had found it online for my birthday this year, meeting every single one of my, and her, many requirements.  As we waited anxiously for several weeks, I routinely teased her playfully, moaning, "My chair!?" Every time she looked at me with those sweet eyes, "It's coming".  The chair finally arrived.  We unpacked and assembled it, our excitement growing.  I sat down..."Hmmm...it doesn't rock?" "What?!"  Kim was clearly annoyed.  The company sent the wrong chair.  To add to our dismay, the one advertised on the website didn't even exist, a mistake on their website.  My desire at 'Controlling' the circumstances set in, only to realize the futility.  "Maybe I'm not supposed to have an easy chair", I said, 'Accepting' the situation.  I bellowed out, "My chair!?"  My effort to 'Be Playful' wasn't getting Kim to smile. 

More diligent than ever, we began our search, store after store, until finally we found the chair of chairs, perfect in every way.  We ordered it in the color we wanted and three weeks later it finally arrived.  After assembly and the excitement in believing we finally had it, I noticed to my dismay a large, 4 inch gash in the leather on the top of the chair.  Once more I bellowed, "My chair!?" 

All of a sudden it dawned on me the ridiculousness of my efforts at 'Controlling' my circumstances and 'Chasing' that perfect chair.  Of course we could call the company to make it right (we did and they are), but regardless, it would be perfect just like it is.  After all, I'm 'Complaining' over an easy chair for heavens sake, when countless millions across our planet don't have a home to live in, much less a chair to sit on.  Are you kidding me.  How comfortable does my behind have to be?  'Be Grateful and Content', I reminded myself.  And then the irony set in.  As I sat for many minutes thoroughly enjoying that first sit in my new chair, I looked over at Kim on our couch, where we used to sit together side by side so often.  All at once I realized the folly in my thinking.  I missed sitting next to my best friend, my soul mate.  Six feet was just too far away, despite how comfortable the chair.  "You mind if I come join you babe?"  A big grin came to her face, "Sure".  Maybe I should have ordered a chair for two. 

An Example of Kindness and Generosity

Kim and I received a wonderful surprise a few days ago in a call from the well known author Ken Blanchard.  He shared words of encouragement for our efforts around Sail the Seven C's after reviewing some information our friend Robin proactively shared with him.  As we talked together about the C's and counter principles born of Love that help us to be our best selves, it occurred to me that Ken's reaching out to us was a perfect example of the 'Kindness' and 'Generosity' we often speak about.  We talked about the challenges of overcoming ego and along those lines, he shared that in so many ways it comes down to overcoming the 'Love of Power' by embracing the 'Power of Love'.  We very much like this sentiment.  After all, what else could it all be about if not this most important principle and its many manifestations. Thank you Ken and Robin for being you!  

Time to Do Those Dishes

Now eight days after Kim's toe surgery, to say it has been painful for her, now flat on her back, is a huge understatement.  She is tough as nails and I've seen tears several times, despite the pain meds.  I've also found myself frustrated time and again at my inability to do less than half of what she was doing before the surgery, while working and taking care of her and our boys.  Slipping into 'Complaining', sometimes even out loud, it's remarkable how little Kim complains about any of it, including me.  Yet I struggle to remain 'Positive and Playful' about everything now on my plate.  I know, selfish, right? 

Kim shared this quote with me, "pain is inevitable, suffering is optional", something I'd read many times before in years past.  Funny how in the midst of life's chaos, it can be challenging to embrace wisdom like this.  She asked me what I thought it meant, while herself wincing in pain.  It didn't occur to me she might be telling me something.  Seeing a possible opportunity to help her, I began to explain that her pain, in fact anything we don't like, really offers a choice in how to take it and that her suffering was indeed optional.  It all has to do with how she chooses to see it.  I went on to urge her to try stepping fully into her pain, relishing the wonderful awareness and presence to life it allowed her without much effort at all.  I know, dumb move right? "Let me cut open your toe, saw down the bone, move the joint, put in a couple of screws and stitch you back up and offer the same wise words," she said.  I left off the expletives of course.  HA!

Come to think of it, guess I should take to heart this wisdom she just shared with me and stop 'Complaining' so much about my temporary state of affairs.  After all, I get the chance to take care of my wife who does the same for me and our boys every other day of her life, 24/7.  "Salad coming right up babe."  Now, time to do those dishes.

The Porcupine's Dilemma

Have you ever heard of the Porcupine's Dilemma?  When porcupines get cold in the winter, they try to get closer to one another to share body heat and stay warm.  Unfortunately, when they get too close to each other, they hit each others' quills and in pain, recoil from one another until the cold compels them once again to try and get closer to each other.

Isn't this kind of how people interact with one another every day?  We crave intimacy and love with our significant other, our family and friends, only to encounter their 'quills', as they respond with one or more of the C's, perhaps 'Complaining, Criticizing, Competing, and Controlling' words and behaviors.  Unconsciously we react similarly, repelling one another until the cold of being alone and distant from those we love and care about forces us once again to try and come closer again, or alternatively look to other porcupines with quills that we hope are less sharp. 

Kim and I have found it interesting that as we age in our relationship and continue to brave each others' pricks of pain, our 'quills' have started to dull some, our skins have gotten thicker and we find it a bit easier these days to--'Be Positive, Playful, Kind, Compassionate, Flexible, Generous, and Accepting'--stay close to one another longer for that much needed love and warmth.  I wonder if porcupines do similarly as they grow old?  Wouldn't that be really cool?  How dull are your quills these days?   

What Will You Do Today?

"Isaac....time to wake up.  The sun is shining."  I really like the anonymous quote, "With every rising sun, think of your life as just begun."  Every single day we have the chance to start fresh, completely new, committing to who we want to be, our best self.  How we will impact those around us in our precious moments?  Yes, it's true that our actions from the previous day, or perhaps even years past, have consequences that may linger and that we may regret.  Yet, if we can begin to make it a habit each morning to 'Let Go' and wash all this unwanted past away--it doesn't exist anymore anyway except in our mind--just as we wash our self for the brand new day, we can drop our 'Clinging' and rather focus entirely on the present moments of this very morning.  We can choose to be our best self today.  We have opportunity to do so much good for others, for our self, this very moment.  What will you do today?  What will you do now that the sun is rising?

"Hey Babe! Doesn't my hair look great long?"

I just love that Kim cuts my and our boys' hair.  Not only does she do a fantastic job of it, but she saves us tons of money in the process.  The only challenge is securing that appointment at "Kim's Boutique", meaning our upstairs, master bathroom.  Very often when I ask her to "please cut my hair", she doesn't feel like it for this or that reason.  Then when she finds she is ready, I'm not ready for this or that reason.  It seems almost like neither of us wants to give in to the other.  Kim says, "I'm the one cutting your hair for heavens sake.  Can't we do it when it's convenient for me?"  I respond, "it really doesn't take that long, does it?"  If this isn't a silly, yet great example of our attempts at 'Competing', 'Complaining', and 'Controlling', I don't know what is.  On and on we go, back and forth, week after week and my hair just continues to grow..."Doesn't my hair look great long babe?"  How is that for being 'Flexible, Playful, and Accepting'?

"Naked Yoga Anyone?"

I got caught up in 'Criticizing' myself yesterday for the extra 15 pounds I let creep on over the last year, as I've really gotten lax in my nutritional and exercise habits.  Kim, always eager to help, suggested the WiiU Fit that arrived for Christmas.  Set up began with the initial weigh in on the exercise board.  "How much do your clothes currently weigh?", it asked.  How the heck do I know?  I have an idea, I thought.  "Kim, close the blinds and I will weigh in naked, so there won't be any discrepancy from my real weight."  Most of my ideas aren't good ones you see.  As I undressed and hopped up on the WiiU balance board, the thought struck me the ridiculousness of my plan.  "Uh oh!  Wait a minute Kim.  I will have to exercise naked every time now, in order to keep the weight loss consistent."  She looked at me with that mischievous smile of hers.  Forget that 'Criticizing' thing.  How about choosing to 'Be Positive and Playful' instead?  You've heard of Hot Yoga, right?  I smiled back at her.  "Naked Yoga anyone?" 

Thank You Snowzilla

Well, it's finally over!  Snowzilla is gone.  Thirty something inches of snow and a blizzard to boot.  Most of the dig out done.

Mother nature sure does have a way of teaching us the futility of trying to 'Control' everything around us and the much better principle of 'Acceptance'.  I can't tell you how many times I wanted to get out on the driveway to start shoveling the falling snow, to be sure we could get the SUV out in case of emergency, only to be beaten back by the freezing wind and snow.  I wouldn't get more than six feet out and turn around to see the quickly falling and blowing snow covering all of my previous efforts.  I slowly walked to the top of the street to see how bad the neighborhood roads were looking, stopping half way up the hill, out of breath.  We were 100 % snowbound and I didn't like it one bit.  I thought, "what if we need to get to the hospital?...Oh well...what could I do right now instead?  How about just being, a little relaxation, and some much needed patience until tomorrow when the storm finally passes?  After all, there's plenty of time for shoveling later."

A special thank you goes out to Kim's sister Julie for pointing out this valuable lesson, curtesy of Mother Nature.  Thank you Julie, and I can't believe I'm saying this, thank you Snowzilla.