It's That Time Again

It's that time again.  Our New Year's resolutions made.  Whatever they are, losing some extra weight, eating better, exercising more or cutting back on certain habits--darn those video games--that in excess, can take us away from other, more important life matters, it's scary how many of our commitments can easily become excuses to get lost at one or more of the Seven C's.  Perhaps it's competing with and comparing our self to others, clinging to a belief that we absolutely must be successful "this time" in meeting our New Year commitments?  Perhaps, we are once again chasing that illusory "I'll be happy when..." moment in some unknown future?  Perhaps it's expending every effort to control all aspects of our life in futile fashion, despite some days not feeling well like today or choosing to deal with even more important life circumstances at the time, then complaining and criticizing ourselves when we fall short of our yearly goals? 

The fundamental truth, pure and simple, is that each of us needs nothing more to be happy, not one darn thing, save for this moment, here and right now.  We can decide moment to moment how to engage others, simplifying our life by choosing to focus our time and energy only on what truly matters.  We can choose to just let go and accept life and our self with flexibility, generosity, kindness and compassion.  In sometimes seemingly radical fashion, we can choose to love our self and life just as we and it are, regardless.  Each of us is of infinite beauty, worth, and deserving of love, regardless of our successes and failures, resolutions or not.  Whenever we come up short, why not simply choose to be grateful and content this very moment, the only place where happiness and love can ever be.  It's not to say we shouldn't make New Year's resolutions, but perhaps commit to those goals that will truly make us happier absent any judgements and of course those pesky seven C's.  I won't beat myself up this New Year over all the hours, okay probably many days, wasted on video games that could've been spent more effectively, but I might cut back some and trade those extra hours for some quality family time.  "What's that Jonah?  Another round of Splendor?  I'm in!"

Yep, it's that time again.  Happy New Year everyone...right here, right now!

Embrace Your Rudolph

We just went to our friends' ugly holiday sweater party a few nights ago.  My talented wife created a masterful Christmas Tree outfit for herself.  I'm serious, everyone knew she was a Christmas tree.  Turns out she had struggled to find an ugly sweater for me, though I honestly didn't care.  I was just grateful she picked something up for me at all...well, so I thought.  As I put on the sweater vest, the first thing I noticed was that it was way too small for me.  Tiny in fact, despite the tag saying large.  What gives I thought?  Next, I found that it buttoned left to right, versus right to left.  "This thing has been sewn backwards", I announced.  "Hey, wait a minute, look at these holiday patches?  Babe, this is a girl's sweater!"  Laughing hysterically, she responded sheepishly, "I know, isn't it great?"  Finally, she added two more critical items, the way too short holiday tie that plays Christmas music and a reindeer hat.  "Now, this is truly ridiculous.  I look like Rudolph!", I exclaimed.  Time for Preston to get all bothered and start to complain and criticize her choice for me.  Nope, not this time.  "Stop, drop, and be", I think instead.  Look at my best friend's gleeful face.  Much better to be positive and playful, don't you think?  Besides, I shouldn't worry about what others think anyway, especially if I can get some laughs.  A little self deprecating humor never hurt anyone.  Besides, wasn't it Rudolph's shiny, red, nose that made him so special?

Sailing the Seven C's with a Bouquet of Cats

We can learn so much from nature, particular our pets, if we choose to simply be present and pay attention.  Darryl, a great friend of ours, loves his cats.  He recently shared what each of them has taught him over the years.

"Ari enjoys every moment of life and purrs constantly, teaching me to live in the moment and that life is too short not to have fun.  Cassie taught me that love is unconditional, especially for the most vulnerable, be they animal or human.  Soc (Socrates) and Moses, rescued from a trash can as kittens, taught me that no matter where you start out in life, there is hope.  D'Artangnan (Dart) has taught me that one can't appreciate the small things in life enough, for example a warm sun beam."

Thank you Darryl and thank you to your wonderful bouquet of cats for their powerful examples, we submit are the central messages of Sail the Seven C's.

(Dart - Top Left, Moses - Top Right, Ari - Bottom Right, Socrates - Bottom Left, Cassie - Middle)

Skipping Thanksgiving...Not Really

The challenge was upon us once again.  Whose family would we choose to spend Thanksgiving with this year?  Technically, it was supposed to be with Kim's family in Virginia.  Disappointed to not be able to see my family in South Carolina, we were nonetheless grateful to be able to visit with some of Kim's sisters and their families.  Suddenly, Kim had an epiphany, "What if we go see both sides this year?"  I asked, "How would we do that?" She replied, "Why not see my family Wednesday night and Thursday morning and then simply drive most of Thanksgiving day to see everyone else late that night or the following day?"  Once I got over the amazement that she would be willing to consider such a crazy thing, my complaining started.  "But we would literally miss Thanksgiving dinner entirely, spending eight to ten hours in the car with neither side." 

The more we discussed it, embracing an attitude of positivity and playfulness, the more it really made sense.  Not only would we get to see more family on both sides, we would be able to ensure that for a significant period of time, just Kim, I, and our three boys would be in the car together with no other distractions.  We would have time to explore together what we are truly grateful for in our lives, like all of the family and friends we would and unfortunately wouldn't be able to see this Thanksgiving.  How extraordinarily lucky we are for an infinite number of reasons.  After all, it's not really about the turkey feast anyway, is it?  Besides, we both know very well, there will be plenty of leftovers the following day.  At least I hope so!  HA!

Things Will Turn Out Alright

When I do the Sail the Seven C's workshop, I share about a brass keychain my father gave me when I was 20 years old and struggling in the hospital to recover physically and emotionally from a motorcycle accident that left me with severe burns on over 40 percent of my body.  He had the words "THINGS WILL TURN OUT ALRIGHT" inscribed on both sides.  While you can't read the words anymore, now worn away from carrying them in my pocket for twenty something years, I will never forget the wisdom in those words.

Can you imagine what my father must have been feeling?  What could he do for his son all burned up in the hospital to help make things right?  Well, I suppose the answer is nothing really.  Life simply sucked at that moment, pure and simple.  Or did it?  Sure, there was the intense pain, fear, and anger present.  Yet, how much of it was I choosing?  Pain is inevitable, but isn't suffering, at least to some degree, a choice.  Truth is I was choosing the space of victim.  My head, my thinking was creating far more drama and turmoil than the terrible event itself.  What was life asking of me right then?  How might I get out of my awful funk and choose to make the best of things, such as they were? 

Today I look back on this so-called tragedy and consider myself "burned to life".  I'm here today far more awake and consciously aware of each grain of sand as it falls through the neck of my hourglass of life.  I wasted so much of my sand those many months futilely complaining, criticizing, controlling, chasing, clinging, competing, and comparing.  How are you using your sand today?  In time, don't things always turn out alright?

The Missing Piece

Kim just loves jigsaw puzzles.  I've never been a fan.  With little success, she often tries to get me to appreciate and join her in puzzling.  One night, sometime back, she yelled with excitement from the dining room, "Preston, come see this awesome puzzle Michele and Adam sent me".  Complaining and criticizing began to take hold of me.  "Oh no, not a boring puzzle", I thought.  I yelled from the other room, "Not right now babe", like the countless times I've replied before.  "But I need help finding a missing piece," she replied.  Reluctantly and with a sigh, "Okay...I'm coming".  I have to admit, when I saw the puzzle, it was incredible.  Each piece was made of maple wood and laser cut into unique and intricate shapes.  Kim had already completed half, so I asked, "What missing piece are you looking for sweet pea?"  Her response, "You my love.  You are my missing piece."  Awe...maybe I do like puzzles after all. 

Babe, Is This Sock Clean?

We recently had a wonderful visit with my cousin Mariah, whom we hadn't seen in several years.  As a regional manager for multiple Starbucks stores, she has really gotten to know and appreciate coffee.  Curious, I asked her what type she preferred, how she liked to drink it, as well as what expresso machine she'd personally used or recommended?  I imagined the machine she uses must cost hundreds if not thousands of dollars and the best coffee would be something relatively expensive.  I was surprised to find out that, while she has sampled just about every imaginable type of coffee and expression thereof, she prefers both the taste and simplicity of running hot water over a simple filter or even more simply, a sock.  She and her husband Doug had experienced drinking coffee this way in South America.  Wow!  Isn't that cool?  Yet another great example of someone choosing and appreciating simplicity over chasing.  Who needs an expensive machine and high priced coffee?  Thank you Mariah.  Heh babe, is this sock clean?  Hmmm...this is a good cup of coffee.

Why Wait?

When Kim and I were married, Adam, my best man and friend from college, was overwhelmingly generous in his wedding gifts to us.  One gift was a very expensive 1993 bottle of red wine.  I had been holding on to this bottle for almost 18 years, clinging in fact, and waiting for that special time when we would all be together again to celebrate some yet-to-be-identified special moment.  Well, that moment came just last weekend when Adam and Michelle came to visit us.  We decided the time was right to share that wine over a wonderful meal Michelle prepared for us all.  What was so special?  The simple fact that we were together again after a few years.  We were all quite curious, wondering if the wine would have turned to vinegar by now, as in the earlier years, Kim and I hadn't really known to be careful in storing the bottle.  To my pleasant surprise, the wine tasted absolutely amazing, but to be honest, the moment would have been every bit as special, as well as amusing, even if it hadn't.

As I took that first taste, marveling at how good the wine really was, I was immediately brought full force into the present moment we all shared together.  I gazed at my wife and our close friends and joyful emotions overwhelmed me, tears coming to my eyes, so grateful for these precious moments we had together.  How incredible and yet fleeting.  Isn't life grand and yet all too short? 

All those years we had waited to share that wine, wondering when that special time would come.  In the end, isn't it true that every moment is special, if we simply choose to see it that way.  Why wait?  Whatever you are waiting for, why wait?  Choose to enjoy it now, whatever it may be.  What's the fun in having special things, if you never use them.  Stop clinging and chasing an unknown future.  None of us knows how much sand remains in our hourglass and if you are like me, very likely over 1/2 of it may already be gone. 

One Apple Out of Reach

We had the best plans for our organic fruits and vegetables this year.  We would've had tomatoes, blackberries, blueberries, peaches, and apples a plenty.  The growing season is pretty much over now.  After a fantastic, fruitful season, we enjoyed a few handfuls of blackberries, several tomatoes, and one last apple Isaac got to enjoy that the deer couldn't reach.  We ended up putting far more effort in than we got out.  Our efforts at controlling mother nature proved futile, still clinging to the hope of a bountiful harvest.  Such is life sometimes, I suppose.  Competing with the birds for the blueberries, the insects for the tomatoes, the prehistoric wasps for the peaches, and the deer for the blackberries and apples all season long had little impact.  "Are you kidding me babe.  The only apple the dear didn't get is the one they couldn't reach.  Where is Isaac so I can lift him up?"  Far better to let go and be accepting of things as they are rather than continue complaining about our dismal returns.  Time to be positive and playful, right?  At least the critters and bugs got to eat well this season.  HA!  We had the chance to be generous by feeding all of them.  "Hey babe, I thought we were supposed to be living off the land?"  Not so much.  Now that's funny indeed.     

Who Do You See?

I saw recently that a young women took a selfie with an elderly women in the background, then purposely or unintentionally shamed the women based on comparing her own figure to that of the other woman.  Doesn't this point to one of the beliefs we must unlearn in order to find true happiness?  Hasn't society led us to believe that we must be better than those around us in every conceivable way, in this case competing with others with regard to physical beauty?  I've struggled with this one over the years with the scars from my motorcycle accident and being more of a wiry guy than others who are much more muscular.  Will Kim continue to find me as physically desirable as other men, particularly as I grow older?  Heck, I remember not too long ago with respect to age, someone Kim just met commented that she must have shown up with her father, me!  HA!  I know, that's not even right.  It's like I just get older and she doesn't and yet the question is, what does any of that really matter?

I wonder if many of us are led to believe that if we are better looking than others, this somehow proves we are better, more desirable, worthy or even more loveable than others?  As we compete with and compare ourselves to others around us, can't this also lead us to criticize them, like we saw with the two woman above?  Who is to say that the elderly women isn't just as beautiful as the younger women, regardless of age, and doesn't this completely depend on the perception of the viewer?  Even if two people look at the exact same image, like the drawing below that shows both an older and younger women at the same time (can you see them both?), isn't it possible that each person might see someone entirely different and both be right?  Sure, in the eyes of what society suggests, there will always be people around us better looking, yet at the end of the day, in the truest sense of what genuine beauty is, not one of us is any better than another.

We must stop the judging, labeling, criticizing of others, as well as our self.  We must simply relax, begin to unlearn, and stop believing what we have been taught.  The truth is, we are all of equal, arguably infinite inherent beauty and value.  Now go take a look at yourself in the mirror and ask yourself, who do you see?  Are you beautiful?  I've got news for you, you most certainly are.