Babe, Is This Sock Clean?

We recently had a wonderful visit with my cousin Mariah, whom we hadn't seen in several years.  As a regional manager for multiple Starbucks stores, she has really gotten to know and appreciate coffee.  Curious, I asked her what type she preferred, how she liked to drink it, as well as what expresso machine she'd personally used or recommended?  I imagined the machine she uses must cost hundreds if not thousands of dollars and the best coffee would be something relatively expensive.  I was surprised to find out that, while she has sampled just about every imaginable type of coffee and expression thereof, she prefers both the taste and simplicity of running hot water over a simple filter or even more simply, a sock.  She and her husband Doug had experienced drinking coffee this way in South America.  Wow!  Isn't that cool?  Yet another great example of someone choosing and appreciating simplicity over chasing.  Who needs an expensive machine and high priced coffee?  Thank you Mariah.  Heh babe, is this sock clean?  Hmmm...this is a good cup of coffee.

Why Wait?

When Kim and I were married, Adam, my best man and friend from college, was overwhelmingly generous in his wedding gifts to us.  One gift was a very expensive 1993 bottle of red wine.  I had been holding on to this bottle for almost 18 years, clinging in fact, and waiting for that special time when we would all be together again to celebrate some yet-to-be-identified special moment.  Well, that moment came just last weekend when Adam and Michelle came to visit us.  We decided the time was right to share that wine over a wonderful meal Michelle prepared for us all.  What was so special?  The simple fact that we were together again after a few years.  We were all quite curious, wondering if the wine would have turned to vinegar by now, as in the earlier years, Kim and I hadn't really known to be careful in storing the bottle.  To my pleasant surprise, the wine tasted absolutely amazing, but to be honest, the moment would have been every bit as special, as well as amusing, even if it hadn't.

As I took that first taste, marveling at how good the wine really was, I was immediately brought full force into the present moment we all shared together.  I gazed at my wife and our close friends and joyful emotions overwhelmed me, tears coming to my eyes, so grateful for these precious moments we had together.  How incredible and yet fleeting.  Isn't life grand and yet all too short? 

All those years we had waited to share that wine, wondering when that special time would come.  In the end, isn't it true that every moment is special, if we simply choose to see it that way.  Why wait?  Whatever you are waiting for, why wait?  Choose to enjoy it now, whatever it may be.  What's the fun in having special things, if you never use them.  Stop clinging and chasing an unknown future.  None of us knows how much sand remains in our hourglass and if you are like me, very likely over 1/2 of it may already be gone. 

One Apple Out of Reach

We had the best plans for our organic fruits and vegetables this year.  We would've had tomatoes, blackberries, blueberries, peaches, and apples a plenty.  The growing season is pretty much over now.  After a fantastic, fruitful season, we enjoyed a few handfuls of blackberries, several tomatoes, and one last apple Isaac got to enjoy that the deer couldn't reach.  We ended up putting far more effort in than we got out.  Our efforts at controlling mother nature proved futile, still clinging to the hope of a bountiful harvest.  Such is life sometimes, I suppose.  Competing with the birds for the blueberries, the insects for the tomatoes, the prehistoric wasps for the peaches, and the deer for the blackberries and apples all season long had little impact.  "Are you kidding me babe.  The only apple the dear didn't get is the one they couldn't reach.  Where is Isaac so I can lift him up?"  Far better to let go and be accepting of things as they are rather than continue complaining about our dismal returns.  Time to be positive and playful, right?  At least the critters and bugs got to eat well this season.  HA!  We had the chance to be generous by feeding all of them.  "Hey babe, I thought we were supposed to be living off the land?"  Not so much.  Now that's funny indeed.     

Who Do You See?

I saw recently that a young women took a selfie with an elderly women in the background, then purposely or unintentionally shamed the women based on comparing her own figure to that of the other woman.  Doesn't this point to one of the beliefs we must unlearn in order to find true happiness?  Hasn't society led us to believe that we must be better than those around us in every conceivable way, in this case competing with others with regard to physical beauty?  I've struggled with this one over the years with the scars from my motorcycle accident and being more of a wiry guy than others who are much more muscular.  Will Kim continue to find me as physically desirable as other men, particularly as I grow older?  Heck, I remember not too long ago with respect to age, someone Kim just met commented that she must have shown up with her father, me!  HA!  I know, that's not even right.  It's like I just get older and she doesn't and yet the question is, what does any of that really matter?

I wonder if many of us are led to believe that if we are better looking than others, this somehow proves we are better, more desirable, worthy or even more loveable than others?  As we compete with and compare ourselves to others around us, can't this also lead us to criticize them, like we saw with the two woman above?  Who is to say that the elderly women isn't just as beautiful as the younger women, regardless of age, and doesn't this completely depend on the perception of the viewer?  Even if two people look at the exact same image, like the drawing below that shows both an older and younger women at the same time (can you see them both?), isn't it possible that each person might see someone entirely different and both be right?  Sure, in the eyes of what society suggests, there will always be people around us better looking, yet at the end of the day, in the truest sense of what genuine beauty is, not one of us is any better than another.

We must stop the judging, labeling, criticizing of others, as well as our self.  We must simply relax, begin to unlearn, and stop believing what we have been taught.  The truth is, we are all of equal, arguably infinite inherent beauty and value.  Now go take a look at yourself in the mirror and ask yourself, who do you see?  Are you beautiful?  I've got news for you, you most certainly are.    

Oh No You Didn't!

Kim and I have been training for our longest hike of the season, the 13.5 mile stretch of the Appalachian Trail (AT) known as "the Roller Coaster".  With drastic up and down elevation changes adding several additional miles onto the hike, it is considered by many to be the most strenuous part of the AT.  I had the ridiculous idea at the beginning of the summer to do it all in a single day and we were about to go for it.

We parked Kim's car at the back end of the hike and drove together in mine to the start.  We were on the trail just after 8 am and making great progress on the most difficult ascent to Buzzard Hill, the roughly 1/3 point of the entire hike.  As we ate our lunch, I checked the time.  Only 2.5 hours.  Sweet!  "Babe, it doesn't seem like it will take anywhere near 10 hours."  We were off again within 20 minutes, soon entering more ups and downs, including two significant ascents.  I began to feel the wear on these old knees of mine.  All good, I thought.  At the 2/3 point, with the largest hills now down, even if I came in like a zombie, we would make it much quicker than we thought.

By the seven hour mark, with maybe an hour left, I was really hurting.  This was definitely taking a toll on my knees now, with every step causing considerable pain.  Suddenly, Kim let out a howl from behind me, "Oh no!"  I turned, "What?"  "I left the key to my car in your truck.  We have no way to drive back."  "Oh no you didn't!", I thought, as I noticed the urge to criticize her for this mistake and start useless complaining.  Instead, using Stop, Drop, and Be, I brought myself back to the present moment.  Time to sail these two C's.  I can choose a different reaction, kindness and compassion.  "It's okay babe.  No big deal.  I've done far worse."  She was still clearly upset, apologizing I'm betting a dozen times over our predicament, when she offered, "I wonder if my sister and brother-in-law, Debbie and James, would be willing to come get us and take us to your truck?" Thanks to their kindness, that's exactly what happened.  They met us at the end of the trail and saved the day.  Though I've no doubt we would have made it home just fine one way or another, by both of us Sailing the Seven C's together, it sure proved far easier and didn't spoil our great day in the process.     

Overcoming Our Fears

Kim and I got into hiking during our first few years of marriage.  On one hike, the Billy Goat A trail on the Maryland side of Great Falls National Park, we encountered a significant scramble up the side of a cliff face, relatively safe for most, unless you might have a particular phobia of heights like Kim does.  Some distance up the cliff face, she froze in panic, and fortunately after some significant time and help from others hikers, we were able to coach her up and off.  She swore she would never return to do Billy Goat A...until yesterday.

That's right.  We...okay I...decided to provide Kim a chance to overcome her fear of heights, at least with respect to Billy Goat A.  Good husband, right?  We hit the trail and when we got to the base of the particular point where Kim froze last time, she asked if this was it.  I fibbed and told her no...kind of true as the place she froze the first time was half way up the cliff...and up I went, encouraging her to follow.  I quickly arrived at a reasonable stopping point about 3/4 of the way up to wait for her.  Looking back for the first time, I noticed she wasn't too far behind me and past the place where she froze previously.  Encouraging her to take the easiest path up the side of the cliff face and focus on the ground in front of her, I waited.  As she got further up, she began to slow and made the mistake of looking down and then up toward me.  Panic began to take hold.  Still she climbed, albeit even slower on her hands and knees.  As she made her way closer to me, I climbed the ledge above, arguably the most challenging part of the cliff face, preparing to help her up.  She refused my hand, trying to navigate herself over the ledge I was on...and then, straddling the rock ledge with one leg over and one leg below, she froze!  Uh oh...here we go again!

Now, I will be honest.  There is absolutely no way she was going to fall more than a few feet from this location, no matter what happened.  Yet, as I sat there wondering how I would get her off that ledge, it occurred to me that I had a huge fear myself.  The fear of losing her at some point in our future.  No matter how well I Sail the Seven C's, I still find it impossible to stop clinging to the belief that my happiness depends on her being in my life.

I knew in my gut, Kim had what it takes to get up and over the ledge.  I offered my arm which she felt unable to risk taking.  I said encouraging words, just as hikers below came around the trail, looking up at our frozen challenge.  Kim had to choose to do it herself, just like all of us, if we want to face and overcome our fears.  We want so much to keep everything in our life safe, controlling the world and everyone around us.  The truth is, we control very little at all, perhaps only our own choices in the final analysis. 

Finally, Kim began to make her move, inching slowly, still hugging the ledge tightly and finally over the top she came, knees, legs, and arms a bit worse for wear.  She was never in any real danger, though her mind insisted that she was.  "Nice work, Babe!"  She looked a bit embarrassed.  Off I went a bit further up to the top and she slowly followed.  "You did it!  You overcame your fear."  She was clearly relieved to be off the cliff face, but at the same time proud of her accomplishment.  To someone with no fear of heights, it might seem like no big deal.  To her and to me, it was simply huge and shows what we are all made of, if we simply choose to push our self outside our comfort zone.  I asked, "Will you ever come back?"  She answered, "Sure, but I will take the long path around the cliff face."  We laughed and continued on with our hike.

What's the Weather Like for You Today?

Doesn't it sometimes seem like the challenges of the day are far more than they should be?  An even more important question is what choices we will make in responding to the challenges.  Along these lines, there is a beautiful concept explored by the late Dr. Stephen Covey in his book, The Seven Habits of Highly Effective People.  Read this book.  You won't be sorry.  On a day like today, completely overcast with zero sun and raining heavily, it's easy for us to get down, moody, even depressed.  Covey suggests that we have the power within us to literally choose our weather, regardless of the real weather around us.  We can choose our attitude and mindset.  It's as if it is bright and sunny outside, despite what nature throws our way on a given day.

As crazy as it seems and as seemingly impossible as it might seem during the worst of times, I believe it is not only possible to do this on a gloomy, rainy day, it's possible to do this no matter what crazy challenges life throws at us.  Today, choosing my weather proved rather easy.  What's the weather like for you today?

Choosing to Ride the Roller Coaster of Life

I was lucky to see the author Brene Brown speak recently on Courage and Vulnerability.  I highly recommend you check out her TED talks.  I absolutely loved how she was positive and playful, artfully weaving self deprecating humor into her message.  She shared that courage means being vulnerable and being vulnerable requires one to risk, face uncertainty, and be emotionally exposed.  Wow!  That sounds scary, huh?  Who would want that, right?  Well...

...this got me thinking about the possible relationship between what Brene Brown shared and Sail the Seven C's.  A few months ago, a friend of ours, very familiar with Brene Brown's work, pointed to such a connection in the stories we shared during one of our Seven C's workshops together.  Don't our egos try hard to keep us away from being vulnerable with others in order to avoid the inevitable pain that comes with human connections?  Don't we fear what others might think of, or heaven forbid say to us, forgetting that our infinite value, every one of us, doesn't depend one bit on others' perceptions of us?  Our ego's fear and desire ultimately manifest as Competing, Comparing, Chasing, Controlling, Complaining, Criticizing, and Clinging in order to, we hope, keep out the pains of life.  The irony is that in failing to Sail the Seven C's, we don't avoid inevitable pain at all, rather we create additional pain for our self.  More importantly, we inadvertently keep out and miss out on the very thing we all crave, unconditional love and genuine happiness.

It's kind of like being at an amusement park, poised to ride that wild, crazy roller coaster called life.  If we choose to Sail the Seven C's, embracing fully our nature to love one another despite the pain we will certainly encounter, we choose to get on the ride, however scared we might be, and experience ALL of it, the extreme ups as well as downs of our one precious, exhilarating life.  I know what choice I want to make.  How about you?

   

Niagara Falls...Literally

Our family just returned from a mini-vacation that included a stop through Niagara Falls on the US, not Canadian side.  To say that this wonder is an absolutely incredible, beautiful work of mother nature is a gross understatement.  While Kim had visited Niagara a few times as a child, the rest of us were seeing it for the first time.  It struck me how the massive, chaotic flow of so much water was yet another metaphor for the futility of our near constant efforts at 'Controlling' every aspect of our life and circumstances.  Isn't it better to simply 'Be Accepting' and 'Let Go' during the crazy, white waters life occasionally throws our way?

The city of Niagara on the US side seems to be experiencing the turbulence of sustained white waters herself.  While the park itself was certainly still maintained, the city has decayed and literally fallen since Kim and her family visited as a child.  It was quite remarkable how many homes and businesses, literally right next to the park were abandoned, with windows broken out or boarded up.  Gone were the many shops and restaurants that used to be found there.  Even the once glorious Hotel Niagara, once visited by many historical celebrities was circled by a fence, in a similar state of disrepair.  Upon driving through so much more of the city, we found very little different.  It was depressing really, especially after checking online about the nature of the city's decline.  Violent crime is now worse there than New York City, a fact we absolutely couldn't believe and left us a bit apprehensive about our visit there.

As we drove toward home, we lamented about this travesty.  How could the Canadian side of Niagara Falls be in such great shape in so many ways, while our own US attraction languished?  Kim wondered, were we doing too much 'Comparing', 'Competing', and futile 'Controlling'?  Was this our pride and ego getting the best of us?  Probably and yet surely there is something that can and must be done to fix things?  Then again, perhaps the incredible wonder of nature called Niagara Falls doesn't really need anything we could provide as human beings to be somehow better than it already is, pure perfection.   

My Big Horn Sheep

Kim and I have been doing a huge amount of hiking lately along parts of the Appalachian trail near our house.  When I say huge, I mean 8-12 miles at a shot, on the part of the trail affectionately known as "roller coaster", the most strenuous part of the entire thing.  Well, I guess it's part of getting older or being less in shape than Kim, but she, like a big horn sheep, just seems to bound up the steepest sections without any effort at all, while I'm sucking wind just trying to ensure I put one foot in front of the other, overcoming the mental and physical exhaustion calling me to just stop and collapse.  It's so bad that at one point toward the end of our last hike, a young through hiker with a good 40 pounds on his back, passed me up, met Kim further up the trail where she was patiently waiting for me and as he passed her, commented, "don't worry, he's still coming."  HA!  I guess Kim decided she wanted to capture some of this in the video clip below.  I know, that's just not right. 

Why is it that when we were in our first years of marriage, it was Kim who had to struggle to keep up with me on strenuous hikes?  How is it that as the dude, she is now able to do more than I am?  I can't believe she is teasing me?  As I make it to where Kim is patiently waiting for me to catch up, the competing, comparing, complaining, and clinging begin to set in.  Stop, drop, and be I think.  Time to choose positive and playful.  At last, a downhill stretch.  Off I go, my trekking polls up and behind me like a downhill skier, as I sprint past Kim, her laughter trailing off behind me.  I'm no longer encumbered by the uphill struggle, my long legs taking me down faster than ever, forcing Kim to literally trail run to keep up.  Now I will show her what it feels like to get left behind.  HA!  "Oh and by the way babe, my new nick name for you is Big Horn Sheep".  She responds, "baaaaahhhhhh".