What's On Your Problem's List?

Have you ever felt overwhelmed by your problems?  I often explore in our workshops the power of writing down a gratitude list to change our focus to all we can be thankful for, but Kim suggested the other day writing down a problem's list.  Why on Earth would we want to focus more attention on our problems, I thought?  Well it turns out that with a problem's list, comparing has the potential to offer a positive result.  First, write down on a piece of paper all of the challenges you are currently facing and then for each one, consider how with absolute certainty, someone somewhere is far worse off than you.  You may very well know someone for which this is the case. 

For a silly yet annoying example, let's say I'm complaining about my new progressive glasses that I'm now struggling to assimilate to.  Due to the nature of these glasses, literally everyone to the sides of my lenses are blurry (just forget about peripheral vision) and I have to literally bob my head up and down depending on the distance something is from my eyes in order to keep the object in focus.  You can only imagine how much fun Kim has had with this, case in point, this video.  Laughing hysterically, she keeps walking closer to me and then backing away, enjoying how I have to move my head up and down in the process.  Is that messed up or what?

Then I take her advice.  I write it down on my problem's list, thinking carefully about others who might have it worse.  Hmmmm.  Come to think of it, I guess I'm pretty darn lucky to be able to see at all.  Maybe adjusting to these progressives isn't such a big deal.  Hey, and on second thought, maybe my problem's list is actually just another gratitude list after all?  

"Throw Sun, Not Shade"

Have you ever heard someone use the words, "throw shade"?  I overheard a couple of Caleb's friends using these words a few times.  I asked Caleb what it meant and he explained.  I decided to check it out online, going to UrbanDictionary, that defines throw shade as 'talk trash about a friend or acquaintance, to publicly denounce or disrespect'.  Sounds like the 'criticizing and complaining' C's to me.  Not wanting to miss an opportunity to tease Caleb, I started using the words over and over again and told him I was going to start talking like that around his friends.  "Don't do that Dad.  Those words are so dead.  You have zero chill."  I replied grinning, "Hey, you're throwing shade at me right now Caleb.  Savage, right?  By the way, what the heck is a zero chill?" 

Seriously, don't we unconsciously throw far too much shade around these days and to what end?  As Kim says, why not choose to throw sun instead?  It's so much better for everyone, our self included.  Isn't "throwing sun" a cool way to express Sailing the Seven C's of criticizing and complaining (ie. throwing shade)?   Why not throw sun and be kind, compassionate, positive, and playful instead?  Besides, UrbanDictinary adds to its definition that, 'When throwing shade it's immediately obvious to on-lookers that the thrower, and not the throwee, is the uncool one.'  So, what about it everyone?  Throwing sun is the bomb.com.  Let's give a shout out or #hashtag to throw sun, not shade.  "Amirite?"  Okay, am I trying too hard to be an extra with that last one?  LOL

Are You Getting Enough Vitamin S?

Well, it's been almost two months now and I'm still not back to 100 %.  I keep thinking I'm going to wake up one morning and finally, once again, fully appreciate what it feels like to be completely well.  Won't that be awesome, I think?  I can't remember a time when our entire family, all five of us, have been so sick for so long.  For a time, it seemed like every couple of seconds a coughing fit would ring through the entire house from one or more of us.  I guess the viruses had the upper hand this winter.  What to do, other than eat more veggies, rest, try not to stress too much, and just be patient?  Perhaps there's one more thing I can do.  "I'm choosing to take some more vitamin S babe."  Kim asks, "Vitamin S.  What's that?"  "Vitamin SMILE", I say.  "Sick or not, simply SMILE and keep on smiling."   I can choose to smile through it, all the while sailing the seven C's.  After all, even if I feel lousy, I still have sand left in my hour glass to thoroughly enjoy.  Sure beats the alternative, don't you think?  In fact, experts believe that smiling actually boosts your immune system....wow!  So, why not?  You have nothing to loose and there's never a need to worry about overdosing on lots of Vitamin S.

It's That Time Again

It's that time again.  Our New Year's resolutions made.  Whatever they are, losing some extra weight, eating better, exercising more or cutting back on certain habits--darn those video games--that in excess, can take us away from other, more important life matters, it's scary how many of our commitments can easily become excuses to get lost at one or more of the Seven C's.  Perhaps it's competing with and comparing our self to others, clinging to a belief that we absolutely must be successful "this time" in meeting our New Year commitments?  Perhaps, we are once again chasing that illusory "I'll be happy when..." moment in some unknown future?  Perhaps it's expending every effort to control all aspects of our life in futile fashion, despite some days not feeling well like today or choosing to deal with even more important life circumstances at the time, then complaining and criticizing ourselves when we fall short of our yearly goals? 

The fundamental truth, pure and simple, is that each of us needs nothing more to be happy, not one darn thing, save for this moment, here and right now.  We can decide moment to moment how to engage others, simplifying our life by choosing to focus our time and energy only on what truly matters.  We can choose to just let go and accept life and our self with flexibility, generosity, kindness and compassion.  In sometimes seemingly radical fashion, we can choose to love our self and life just as we and it are, regardless.  Each of us is of infinite beauty, worth, and deserving of love, regardless of our successes and failures, resolutions or not.  Whenever we come up short, why not simply choose to be grateful and content this very moment, the only place where happiness and love can ever be.  It's not to say we shouldn't make New Year's resolutions, but perhaps commit to those goals that will truly make us happier absent any judgements and of course those pesky seven C's.  I won't beat myself up this New Year over all the hours, okay probably many days, wasted on video games that could've been spent more effectively, but I might cut back some and trade those extra hours for some quality family time.  "What's that Jonah?  Another round of Splendor?  I'm in!"

Yep, it's that time again.  Happy New Year everyone...right here, right now!

Embrace Your Rudolph

We just went to our friends' ugly holiday sweater party a few nights ago.  My talented wife created a masterful Christmas Tree outfit for herself.  I'm serious, everyone knew she was a Christmas tree.  Turns out she had struggled to find an ugly sweater for me, though I honestly didn't care.  I was just grateful she picked something up for me at all...well, so I thought.  As I put on the sweater vest, the first thing I noticed was that it was way too small for me.  Tiny in fact, despite the tag saying large.  What gives I thought?  Next, I found that it buttoned left to right, versus right to left.  "This thing has been sewn backwards", I announced.  "Hey, wait a minute, look at these holiday patches?  Babe, this is a girl's sweater!"  Laughing hysterically, she responded sheepishly, "I know, isn't it great?"  Finally, she added two more critical items, the way too short holiday tie that plays Christmas music and a reindeer hat.  "Now, this is truly ridiculous.  I look like Rudolph!", I exclaimed.  Time for Preston to get all bothered and start to complain and criticize her choice for me.  Nope, not this time.  "Stop, drop, and be", I think instead.  Look at my best friend's gleeful face.  Much better to be positive and playful, don't you think?  Besides, I shouldn't worry about what others think anyway, especially if I can get some laughs.  A little self deprecating humor never hurt anyone.  Besides, wasn't it Rudolph's shiny, red, nose that made him so special?

Sailing the Seven C's with a Bouquet of Cats

We can learn so much from nature, particular our pets, if we choose to simply be present and pay attention.  Darryl, a great friend of ours, loves his cats.  He recently shared what each of them has taught him over the years.

"Ari enjoys every moment of life and purrs constantly, teaching me to live in the moment and that life is too short not to have fun.  Cassie taught me that love is unconditional, especially for the most vulnerable, be they animal or human.  Soc (Socrates) and Moses, rescued from a trash can as kittens, taught me that no matter where you start out in life, there is hope.  D'Artangnan (Dart) has taught me that one can't appreciate the small things in life enough, for example a warm sun beam."

Thank you Darryl and thank you to your wonderful bouquet of cats for their powerful examples, we submit are the central messages of Sail the Seven C's.

(Dart - Top Left, Moses - Top Right, Ari - Bottom Right, Socrates - Bottom Left, Cassie - Middle)

Skipping Thanksgiving...Not Really

The challenge was upon us once again.  Whose family would we choose to spend Thanksgiving with this year?  Technically, it was supposed to be with Kim's family in Virginia.  Disappointed to not be able to see my family in South Carolina, we were nonetheless grateful to be able to visit with some of Kim's sisters and their families.  Suddenly, Kim had an epiphany, "What if we go see both sides this year?"  I asked, "How would we do that?" She replied, "Why not see my family Wednesday night and Thursday morning and then simply drive most of Thanksgiving day to see everyone else late that night or the following day?"  Once I got over the amazement that she would be willing to consider such a crazy thing, my complaining started.  "But we would literally miss Thanksgiving dinner entirely, spending eight to ten hours in the car with neither side." 

The more we discussed it, embracing an attitude of positivity and playfulness, the more it really made sense.  Not only would we get to see more family on both sides, we would be able to ensure that for a significant period of time, just Kim, I, and our three boys would be in the car together with no other distractions.  We would have time to explore together what we are truly grateful for in our lives, like all of the family and friends we would and unfortunately wouldn't be able to see this Thanksgiving.  How extraordinarily lucky we are for an infinite number of reasons.  After all, it's not really about the turkey feast anyway, is it?  Besides, we both know very well, there will be plenty of leftovers the following day.  At least I hope so!  HA!

Things Will Turn Out Alright

When I do the Sail the Seven C's workshop, I share about a brass keychain my father gave me when I was 20 years old and struggling in the hospital to recover physically and emotionally from a motorcycle accident that left me with severe burns on over 40 percent of my body.  He had the words "THINGS WILL TURN OUT ALRIGHT" inscribed on both sides.  While you can't read the words anymore, now worn away from carrying them in my pocket for twenty something years, I will never forget the wisdom in those words.

Can you imagine what my father must have been feeling?  What could he do for his son all burned up in the hospital to help make things right?  Well, I suppose the answer is nothing really.  Life simply sucked at that moment, pure and simple.  Or did it?  Sure, there was the intense pain, fear, and anger present.  Yet, how much of it was I choosing?  Pain is inevitable, but isn't suffering, at least to some degree, a choice.  Truth is I was choosing the space of victim.  My head, my thinking was creating far more drama and turmoil than the terrible event itself.  What was life asking of me right then?  How might I get out of my awful funk and choose to make the best of things, such as they were? 

Today I look back on this so-called tragedy and consider myself "burned to life".  I'm here today far more awake and consciously aware of each grain of sand as it falls through the neck of my hourglass of life.  I wasted so much of my sand those many months futilely complaining, criticizing, controlling, chasing, clinging, competing, and comparing.  How are you using your sand today?  In time, don't things always turn out alright?

The Missing Piece

Kim just loves jigsaw puzzles.  I've never been a fan.  With little success, she often tries to get me to appreciate and join her in puzzling.  One night, sometime back, she yelled with excitement from the dining room, "Preston, come see this awesome puzzle Michele and Adam sent me".  Complaining and criticizing began to take hold of me.  "Oh no, not a boring puzzle", I thought.  I yelled from the other room, "Not right now babe", like the countless times I've replied before.  "But I need help finding a missing piece," she replied.  Reluctantly and with a sigh, "Okay...I'm coming".  I have to admit, when I saw the puzzle, it was incredible.  Each piece was made of maple wood and laser cut into unique and intricate shapes.  Kim had already completed half, so I asked, "What missing piece are you looking for sweet pea?"  Her response, "You my love.  You are my missing piece."  Awe...maybe I do like puzzles after all. 

Babe, Is This Sock Clean?

We recently had a wonderful visit with my cousin Mariah, whom we hadn't seen in several years.  As a regional manager for multiple Starbucks stores, she has really gotten to know and appreciate coffee.  Curious, I asked her what type she preferred, how she liked to drink it, as well as what expresso machine she'd personally used or recommended?  I imagined the machine she uses must cost hundreds if not thousands of dollars and the best coffee would be something relatively expensive.  I was surprised to find out that, while she has sampled just about every imaginable type of coffee and expression thereof, she prefers both the taste and simplicity of running hot water over a simple filter or even more simply, a sock.  She and her husband Doug had experienced drinking coffee this way in South America.  Wow!  Isn't that cool?  Yet another great example of someone choosing and appreciating simplicity over chasing.  Who needs an expensive machine and high priced coffee?  Thank you Mariah.  Heh babe, is this sock clean?  Hmmm...this is a good cup of coffee.